Five Minute Friday: Follow

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

FYI: This entry is very, very late. As in, Kate just released the next prompt! Be that as it may though, this prompt is one of my two #oneword365 words for this year, so I just had to share it with you!
 

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Follow the leader.

Follow the recipe.

Follow your heart.

Follow Me.

My personality is generally extroverted. I have almost zero problem talking to people - even strangers. My mom used to joke that I could talk to a brick wall, which isn't too far off base. I love meeting people and getting to know them. Making new friends, speaking in public, working in groups or on teams, etc are all things that come naturally to me. With all of those things, you'd think that leadership comes easy too. You'd be wrong.

I am a very natural follower.

This doesn't mean that I can't lead or that I've never been in a leadership role. I actually ran for student government in high school! What it really means is that I'm much more inclined to let others lead and just follow along for the ride. It's much more fun to follow and not have to bear the responsibilities of leading.

This fits perfectly with who we are called to be in Christ. He calls us to follow Him wherever He leads us. It's one reason I chose the word "follow" as one of my two #oneword365 words. Pretty much my entire life has been spent as a passionate follower of Christ. It is an absolutely integral part of who I am. So if this is such a huge part of me, why the focus on "follow" this year?

One big, complicated, difficult word.

Depression.

The last couple of years, I have struggled with following Him and His plan for me. To be perfectly honest, I have been so angry at God for the better part of the last two years that in have struggled with wanting to follow Him at all. When these feelings started to surface they were so intense that Gray remarked that he hadn't married me just for me to turn atheist. I've never totally turned my back on Him, but I'd be lying if I said that the thought hadn't occurred to me on more than one occasion.

So how - in the midst of depression that is sometimes so blindingly painful and debilitating that death seemed better than living - have I continued to follow Him?

One big, complicated, even more difficult word.

Obedience.

I am deeply grateful for the requirement God has placed on me to attend Mass each week on Sundays. Missing Mass on a Sunday without a good reason (illness, caregiving, long distance, etc) is a mortal sin because it's a violation of the commandment to keep the Sabbath holy. Part of keeping that day holy is coming together with the other members of the body of Christ in your community to worship together. This is the reason that the Church enjoins upon the faithful the obligation to attend Mass each Sunday. Without this obligation and left to my own devices, I would have likely ceased following or even trying to follow Him.

This continued desire to follow Him despite everything that is going on in my head is why I chose follow as one of my #oneword365 words. This desire is also why I am still here. I desire to follow His plan for my life and part of that plan is that He gets to decide when my life ends and not me, that I am not my own (thanks to my "big brother" Chez for pointing out that last thing).

So even though it sometimes hurts worse than I can really express and although I can't see or understand His plan in all of this, I continue to follow.

Join in the Five Minute Friday fun and link up at Kate Motaung's blog!