Five Minute Friday: Plan

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

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I've been planning this for a good year. It's not a wedding or the birth of a child. It's something altogether different. I suppose planning might be stretching it just a little bit. Perhaps it's more accurate to say that I've been discerning it for a year. I finally made my decision in February and I am so glad I did.

You see, I've been planning to take a walk.

It's a walk of 16-18 miles, done all during the night -- a walk through the darkness. In fact, it is called the Out of the Darkness Overnight walk. It's to raise funds for suicide prevention and awareness about this important cause. It's to give a voice to those who are struggling and to those who are grieving. It's to lend support and care to those who need it -- be they suicidal or bereaved over someone they have lost because of suicide. It is for my own healing.

You see, for me, the struggle is real. I've been to the edge. I've been afraid to ask for help. I've been afraid to admit how much I wanted to die. I've been afraid to admit that I was struggling with debilitating depression in the first place. It's not just a reality that i've struggled, but a recent reality -- like in the last two years. Over the course of the last two years I have been to this darkest of places many, many times. Thankfully, I have had the support of family, friends, and my therapist to bring me back to a place where death was not so much, to quote Hamlet, "a consummation devoutly to be wished."

David Tennant as Hamlet -- Go watch the famous soliloquy here. He is amazing.

So many sojourns through such a miry and dark place have left bruises, deep wounds, and even scars on my spirit that will take not only time, but action to heal. For me, part of that action is this walk and there is a part of this walk that I did not plan. When I go up to Boston and put my feet to the pavement in the middle of the night, I will be walking into the dawn of the 2nd anniversary of my own near suicide attempt. When I decided to do this, I knew the date was in June but never realized that it was exactly the same date. I think this was a God plan because there's no way I could have planned it.

Some are not so well supported.
Some are even more afraid than I.
Some who struggle don't know where to turn for help even if they get over their fears.

That is why I am planning to take this walk.

For those who have yet to break their silence. For those who need a helping hand. For me as I journey my own road of recovery.

So my plan is this -- to walk through the night and into the dawn of a new day.
-- to continue to raise funds for my participation in this walk
(please click the previous sentence if you'd like to donate -- any amount is so helpful and so very appreciated!)
-- to do my utmost to get stronger through activities like this walk alongside my therapy and other resources

-- to do my part to help others help themselves.

Join the Five Minute Friday fun and link up your post at Kate Motaung's blog!