Friday, October 17, 2014

Day Seventeen (extra content) -- Five Minute Friday: Long

When someone says, "that's such a long time!" it is hard to know exactly how to respond. Yes, 21 months of struggling through a depressive episode IS a long time, but in the overall scheme of things, it's fairly short. I have lived 30 odd years and by comparison, 21 months is nothing. It's not that I am diminishing this sojourn through the darkness as nothing or as something I view as short, but just that when I look at it form the perspective of my length of life, it is indeed short.

That said, I long for it to be over. From the perspective of one who is going through it, it has been interminably long. It has been arduously long. It has been so long that I have given up hope that it will ever really end. I find it hard to believe that life will ever approach something close to normal again. But oh how I long for it to do so!

Part of this longing for it to be over is why suicide has seemed like such a valid option at times through this. The pain of depression is so acutely felt at times that to end it with death seems a mercy and, as Hamlet said, "a consummation devoutly to be wished." There is a also longing for my family to be spared any more of this pain that they go through while living with me and my depression.

So while not long in duration given my lifespan, I long for an end to it. Please dear God, if You hear me at all...please hear my heart's cry.

Go check out Five Minute Fridays at Kate Motaung's blog Heading Home

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5 comments:

  1. E Adams WrightOctober 17, 2014 at 9:16 PM

    Thanks for sharing so honestly about your experience. You may never know this side of eternity how God used your words to touch the lives of others. Blessings to you. Visiting from Five Minute Friday.

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    1. The MommaOctober 17, 2014 at 9:45 PM

      Thank you for reading and your kind words. Blessings to you too.

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  2. LeighOctober 17, 2014 at 9:23 PM

    I am not sure how to comfort you, but appreciate your honesty. Elijah was very depressed and so was Job. Being we are believers, it does not exempt us from such an ordeal. I pray you may see light at the end of the tunnel soon and receive the gift of laughter. It is great medicine.

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    1. The MommaOctober 17, 2014 at 9:46 PM

      Thank you for that encouragement and for the prayers too. I do laugh occasionally, although not as often as I would like. It is a very good thing when I am able to do it though. My children help a lot in this regard as they are all still young and full of childlike wonder, imagination, and goofiness. Peace be with you.

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  3. Tara UlrichOctober 18, 2014 at 6:49 PM

    I pray God hears your hearts cries too! It is short in retrospect like you say but yet it is so long. And yes, my friend, I long for this pain; this darkness to be over for you!

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