Day Thirty-one (extra content) -- Five Minute Friday: Leave

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved!

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I have started this Five Minute Friday post four times now. Nothing quite sounds right when I type it. Leave. Time to take my leave of this subject of depression? I'm leaving this here for a while? Going to leave and take a break? Nah, none of them sound right.

So here I am, grasping at straws as I type furiously for five minutes. Perhaps I'm not meant to really compose a coherent thought on leaving. Maybe that is what I need to leave alone. I don't know.

Life this month has been a crazy mad whirlwind of words and activities as October always is and I am, in some ways, glad to leave it behind with the flip of the calendar into November. This time of year is always busy but with this 31 Days blog challenge, this month has been especially so. I kinda wish I could leave home for a few days and go have a rest and retreat. All while I've been writing about depression and the darkness and difficult of my journey through it, I've been working behind the scenes to try and figure out a way to leave my responsibilities behind for a while and get some decent rest. I've tried to figure out how to have a retreat, but nothing seems to be working out for me to leave home and recharge my batteries.

Throughout this journey that I've been on, I have earnestly fought against the urge to leave for good. That is the thing about depression. You want it to end and sometimes the only thing that seems like it will work is to leave life altogether. I've had those thoughts a couple of times this month as I've been writing all of this. It isn't that you want to leave. You just want the pain to leave. Thankfully, I am in a better place with regard to that kind of leaving now than I was a year ago. Yes, I still struggle with it, but I am less desirous of taking that kind of leave.

For now, I will leave this subject and go take a nap. Tonight is Halloween after all and we will leave our house to go out trick-or-treating, so I need to be ready and rested. Ciao amici!

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