Day Thirty (part 1): Swingin' and Swayin' and Gettin' Merry Like Christmas

It is a few days before Christmas and we are in a hotel room somewhere in Virginia. Everyone is asleep except me. I am sitting here, trying to relax a bit, but struggling with it. Today has been a long day, but a good one. We left home early this morning and have driven all day, stopping as necessary for bathroom breaks, food, and gas for the van and we are finally here for the night. Tomorrow we'll start early again and should arrive at my in-laws' house by 5 or 6pm at the latest. Tonight we celebrated M2's 7th birthday with pizza from the local chain restaurant, cupcakes (one of which had 7 tiny candles in it!), and presents for the birthday girl. She is delighted with the excitement of celebrating her birthday in a hotel room and enjoying pizza and cupcakes in her new pajamas. AB was pretty delighted with the prospect of all the celebrations even though it wasn't her birthday. There is something kind of fun about being on a road trip and I have enjoyed it thus far myself.

M2 with her birthday cupcakes

The last week and a half has been crazy busy and I have been baking, packing, and going over all the last minute details for our trip. Plus, earlier this week, both M2 and AB had their class Christmas parties and since parents were invited, I had to make an appearance. I even branched out from my black and wore a pretty rose coloured sweater. Although I still wear black most every day, I have been trying to follow my feelings and wear other colours if the mood strikes me. Last Saturday night was the choir Christmas party and I wore a red blouse with black slacks. It was the first time since last February that I have worn my favourite colour. Red is a colour that, for me, indicates joy, happiness, passion, love, and every kind of positive emotion. I have, despite my lifelong battle with depression, always had several pieces of clothing in red and have always tended to gravitate toward it in other things (love love LOVE my cherry red Kitchen-Aid stand mixer!). Its absence has not gone unnoticed by those closest to me. Pendragon, knowing that I tend to dress according to my mood, understands on a deeper level why I no longer wear it. It is not just that I choose not to wear it. It is that I cannot make myself wear it because wearing it hurts too much. I almost didn't wear it last Saturday night, but decided that the occasion was too festive for my usual black. It was one of those things where I felt like I had to wear a different colour because the occasion dictated it, but I didn't really decide to wear it until the last minute. After I got dressed, I took a picture of myself and then one with Gray which I sent to Pendragon with a text message that read: "So I bit the bullet....I'm not totally sold on it, but I'm giving it a whirl." His reply was a very enthusiastic, "Yeah! Red! You go girl!" It wasn't an easy thing to do, but I am glad I did.

1. A selfie of me and my three chickadees (M2, me, AB, and GB in the front) 
2. Me in my red and my sweetheart Gray

I think all the anticipation of this trip north combined with all the busyness of getting ready has helped lighten my mood. I have definitely been looking forward to this trip. It will be nice to have an extra set of hands to help with the kids and to be able to totally relax and not have to worry about dishes or laundry or school or schedules, not to mention getting to spend time with Balinda and the rest of the family. We may even trek a few hours away to see M2's namesake, Gray's godmother and favourite aunt M. I'm also looking forward to the prospect of meeting some of my online friends who live in the vicinity. Don't know how many of them I'll get to meet up with, but perhaps one or two. Balinda and I will likely venture out fabric shopping and there is a particular fabric shop that I love visiting that I definitely want to go to while we are there. I'm looking forward to working on Sif's quilt too because Balinda actually has a dedicated sewing room in their attic which makes sewing easier and a lot more fun. Pendragon is thrilled for me that I have this opportunity and I'm pretty thrilled myself. He is hoping that it will be a chance for me to get some much needed rest and relaxation and have a chance to really recharge my batteries. That is my heartfelt prayer as well.

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The next afternoon we arrive at Balinda and David's house and as we walk in the door, I feel the tension in my shoulders ease almost immediately. My sweet niece E-beth, who lives across the street with her mom (Gray's little sister) Sarah, meets us at the door and then Balinda comes around the corner from the kitchen and a chorus of, "Nana!!!!" goes up from my oldest two as GB grins at all the activity. Sarah comes downstairs and the girls engulf her in hugs and GB gives her a grin. Balinda hugs Gray and I and takes GB from Gray for some snuggles and kisses. It is a joyful scene and I cannot help feeling the joy myself. 

The first week passes by far too quickly, but it is absolutely blissful. I sleep more than I have in months and although I still have nightmares, I also have nights where my sleep is quieter and more restful. I have more appetite too and eat more normally. Not only do I eat more, but I actually enjoy the food. Everything seems to taste good to me and even the frigidly cold temperatures don't bother me. It snows on Christmas Eve and I stand at the window, a cup of hot apple cider in my hands, watching it come down and in this moment, I am struck by how completely peaceful I feel. The depression is still there, but it is less loud and less dark. I take a sip of the cider and feel it warm me from the inside out and for the first time in months, I feel inspired to offer a prayer of gratitude to God that comes from a place of genuine gratefulness rather than just my being obedient. It is a simple, "Thank you God for this moment," but it is heartfelt. 

Christmas Day is a riot of colour and laughter as we eat Balinda's holiday buns and my pumpkin muffins, drink coffee and open presents. A bit later, we eat Christmas dinner at Sarah's house and there is more laughter and conversation amidst the food and wine. After some dessert and another glass of wine, we all settle in to watch the Doctor Who Christmas special which has become something of a tradition as the lot of us are a bunch of Whovians. It is a fun, peaceful, and relaxing day. I go to bed that night with a full stomach and a full heart too. The day after Christmas I wake up to the excited sounds of my older children squealing with delight. When I come out of the bedroom into the hall, AB greets me with a big grin and says, "Momma, Momma, guess what?????" 

I have a good idea of what she's about to say, but I grin back at her and say, "What, AB?"

She grins even bigger and bounces up and down a little bit as she says, "It SNOOOOOOOOOWED!!!!!! Come look!!!" I follow her into the bedroom she is sharing with her big sister and we peer out the window. Sure enough, everything is covered in a thick layer of snow and it is beautiful. A little while later, we get everyone dressed in several layers and snow boots for the four girls (E-beth came over a little after I got up so she could play with her cousins) and we trek outside into the cold and snow. The big girls have a blast playing in it together and GB seems to enjoy herself even though she appears a little mystified by this very cold white stuff everywhere. I take lots of pictures of the girls and the snow.

AB playing in the snow with her cousin E-beth's Ninja Turtles umbrella

AB and M2 together in the snow

M2 attempting to skateboard on the icy sidewalk.

Sister love in the snow

A very delighted GB playing in the snow

One of my favourites is one I take of the street where Balinda and David live. The trees arch over the street and with the snow on their bare branches, the cars, and everything else, it looks like something from an old black and white photograph. Later when I am editing my pictures, I make it black and white just to see and sure enough, it does look like an old-fashioned postcard scene.

See what I mean?

(Click here for part 2 of Day Thirty: Swingin' and Swayin' and Gettin' Merry Like Christmas)