This week has been a beast. I'm still alive and kicking, but a lot has happened. I had something for Five Minute Friday that was mostly ready to go, but just haven't gotten back to finishing it. I know that sounds odd given that it's supposed to be an exercise done in five minutes with no editing and using the week's prompt, but I stopped doing FMF like that several months ago. So I take as long as I need to write and edit if I feel it is necessary (although I try to keep it to a bare minimum and only do what is necessary for it to be readable -- inserting forgotten articles, changing verb tenses, etc). This week, that means that I'm likely not going to be completing my FMF entry. Tomorrow (Thursday) is going to be busy for me and I doubt I'll have time to get back to it before the linkup ends.
If you're not too busy, would you send up a prayer for me? I've got a lot going on in the next few days and week and I'm dealing with all of that on top of struggling with my illnesses too. Gray could use a prayer or two as well. Whenever I'm struggling, he invariably is put under a lot more stress as well and it's so hard for him. He's so wonderfully gracious about it though. I love him so much and want to support him in prayer too.
God bless y'all.
Pax Christi,
The Momma
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Five Minute Friday: Grow
It's been a few weeks since I've joined in with the Five Minute Friday community, but this week's prompt got my creative juices flowing once again. If you'd like to join in the fun, just head over to our community hostess Kate's blog Heading Home for more info! Without further ado, here's my take on this week's prompt word:
GROW
This week's prompt kinda got me thinking about a lot of different ways I could go with this idea of "grow." I wanted to start writing about it on Thursday night after my shower, but it was already getting late and I was exhausted so it got put off until now. In the meantime, I kept sort of noodling over the idea and thought I knew where I was going with it.
Until this afternoon. When M2 and her sister AB got into a bit of a fuss over watching TV (the usual fuss of one wants to watch one thing and the other doesn't), my idea about this week's prompt went right out the window.
As it was a pretty afternoon, our front door was open with the glass storm door closed to keep out bugs and let in light. The fuss between my two eldest girls ended with AB getting what she wanted and M2 getting frustrated and then walking outside. I knew she likely just needed a bit to cool off, but then I looked up and realised that it had been more than a bit, so I went outside to find her.
I called her name and she answered immediately and came up to the front porch where I was standing. The conversation went something like this:
Me: You okay?
M2: Yeah, I was just playing a bit. I should get my shoes.
Me: Probably, but it's okay for a little bit. You sure you're okay?
M2: Yeah. (sighs and looks down for a moment) I mean I was mad at AB, but I'm not now. The higher road is justice, right Momma?
Me: (taken aback and not sure what she means) What was that last bit about justice?
M2: The higher road is justice. Justice means fairness. It would be fair for AB to only get a 30 minutes of her movie instead of the whole hour and a half since I only got to watch 30 minutes of Star Trek, right? (Author's note: Yes, we are that nerdy of a family)
Me: Yes, that's right. That would be fair. But the higher road would be being generous and allowing her to watch the whole thing instead of being nitpicky about what's most fair.
M2: You're right mom. It would be.
We hugged and then she looked at me and said:
M2: But do you think maybe since I'm letting her watch the whole thing instead of just a half hour that we could have a non-messy dinner in the living room and I could watch something I want to watch?
Me: Let me talk to Daddy about it, okay pumpkin?
M2: Okay, Momma.
Me: (hugging her tight and kissing the top of her head) I love you, M2. You know that?
M2: (her hugging me back and then kissing my cheek with a grin) Yeah, I know. I love you too, Momma.
Higher road and justice and generosity....how on earth did she get so big so fast?
My original plan was to write about how much I feel like I've grown in the last several months, but this little moment with my biggest girl caught me off-guard and made me realize with a start how much she's grown in the last year. It makes me think of that that ABBA song, "Slipping Through My Fingers" which I heard for the first time while watching the movie Mamma Mia several years ago. My eldest will be 10 years old this year and yet, it seems like only yesterday that she was a baby in my arms. Time keeps slipping through my fingers and she keeps growing -- not just in her physical body, but her maturity too. It seems like this last year has been one where she's changed a lot faster.
I'll admit, there's a part of me that wants to put a rock on her head and try to slow her down, but there's also that part of me that swells with pride and joy over the young lady she is fast becoming. Kids growing up truly is a bittersweet thing and while it's hard, I'm trying to capture as many of these moments as I can because I know one day, I'll look up and she'll be heading out on her own.
Love you, bug. ~ Momma
GROW
This week's prompt kinda got me thinking about a lot of different ways I could go with this idea of "grow." I wanted to start writing about it on Thursday night after my shower, but it was already getting late and I was exhausted so it got put off until now. In the meantime, I kept sort of noodling over the idea and thought I knew where I was going with it.
Until this afternoon. When M2 and her sister AB got into a bit of a fuss over watching TV (the usual fuss of one wants to watch one thing and the other doesn't), my idea about this week's prompt went right out the window.
As it was a pretty afternoon, our front door was open with the glass storm door closed to keep out bugs and let in light. The fuss between my two eldest girls ended with AB getting what she wanted and M2 getting frustrated and then walking outside. I knew she likely just needed a bit to cool off, but then I looked up and realised that it had been more than a bit, so I went outside to find her.
I called her name and she answered immediately and came up to the front porch where I was standing. The conversation went something like this:
Me: You okay?
M2: Yeah, I was just playing a bit. I should get my shoes.
Me: Probably, but it's okay for a little bit. You sure you're okay?
M2: Yeah. (sighs and looks down for a moment) I mean I was mad at AB, but I'm not now. The higher road is justice, right Momma?
Me: (taken aback and not sure what she means) What was that last bit about justice?
M2: The higher road is justice. Justice means fairness. It would be fair for AB to only get a 30 minutes of her movie instead of the whole hour and a half since I only got to watch 30 minutes of Star Trek, right? (Author's note: Yes, we are that nerdy of a family)
Me: Yes, that's right. That would be fair. But the higher road would be being generous and allowing her to watch the whole thing instead of being nitpicky about what's most fair.
M2: You're right mom. It would be.
We hugged and then she looked at me and said:
M2: But do you think maybe since I'm letting her watch the whole thing instead of just a half hour that we could have a non-messy dinner in the living room and I could watch something I want to watch?
Me: Let me talk to Daddy about it, okay pumpkin?
M2: Okay, Momma.
Me: (hugging her tight and kissing the top of her head) I love you, M2. You know that?
M2: (her hugging me back and then kissing my cheek with a grin) Yeah, I know. I love you too, Momma.
Higher road and justice and generosity....how on earth did she get so big so fast?
My original plan was to write about how much I feel like I've grown in the last several months, but this little moment with my biggest girl caught me off-guard and made me realize with a start how much she's grown in the last year. It makes me think of that that ABBA song, "Slipping Through My Fingers" which I heard for the first time while watching the movie Mamma Mia several years ago. My eldest will be 10 years old this year and yet, it seems like only yesterday that she was a baby in my arms. Time keeps slipping through my fingers and she keeps growing -- not just in her physical body, but her maturity too. It seems like this last year has been one where she's changed a lot faster.
I'll admit, there's a part of me that wants to put a rock on her head and try to slow her down, but there's also that part of me that swells with pride and joy over the young lady she is fast becoming. Kids growing up truly is a bittersweet thing and while it's hard, I'm trying to capture as many of these moments as I can because I know one day, I'll look up and she'll be heading out on her own.
Love you, bug. ~ Momma
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Update on stuff
Hey friends! This is going to be a longer update than I normally do, just to give you a heads up.
I know it's been a while since I've written in this blog, so I wanted to pop in and give a quick update. Life has been kind of stressful in the last month or so and it's made me struggle with trying to find any inspiration. It seems that occasionally I get a particular blog post idea in my head and then by the time I have the energy to get around to it, it's gone. The other thing that's been happening a lot lately is that I just never seem to have the energy to manage even opening my laptop so I can write something.
So what's going on in my world? Well, some transitions, a significant milestone, and a few other things.
The transitions are mostly to do with some changes with Gray's work schedule and how that's affecting me. It's been about two weeks since the changes went into effect and I'm still struggling to get used to it. There were some real frustrations with the changes early on as I was afraid they were going to make it worse for me with regard to what I need to do to see to my mental health (counselling, spiritual direction, and EMDR therapy), but after several conversations together with Gray, a few with Pendragon, and a few between Gray and his boss, the knot of tension in my gut that's been there for a good three weeks has finally eased.
As for milestones, well, Miss AB had her First Holy Communion on April 30th. She looked absolutely beautiful and it was such a joyful and meaningful Mass for her and our whole family. My awesome mom-in-law Balinda flew down the Thursday beforehand and stayed w/us the whole weekend. My folks came on the day along with AB's godmother (plus her hubby and 3 kids) and her godfather, who drove in from out of state. After Mass, we enjoyed the party in the parish hall and then went out to the Olive Garden to celebrate w/my folks, Balinda, and AB's godfather. It was a wonderful meal and I think everyone had a great time -- most of all AB who received a whole bunch of presents from everyone.
As for the rest, the bulk of it has been me getting ready for my trip to New York City to walk in my second Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk (click the link if you'd like to donate as I'm still working toward my goal!). I've been doing a good bit of walking at the gym and the park to get my body in better shape to actually do the walking that's going to be required. Additionally, I finally got my hotel and flight nailed down and am steadily working on the things I want to do in my limited time there that weekend. I've never been to NYC and have wanted to go since I was a kid, so this is super exciting for me. I just wish I had more than just the weekend to spend exploring and seeing all the wonderful things NYC has to offer. On my list are:
One other thing of note that has been going on of late is that with much fear and trepidation, I began seeing a psychologist, Dr. D (not to be confused with my regular therapist Pendragon), who specialises in PTSD and is trained and certified to do EMDR treatments. Given my past experiences with mental healthcare professionals, it was really hard to go to that first appointment. Gray went with me to offer support, encouragement, and took over the responsibility of filling out the requisite new patient paperwork. My stomach, back, shoulders, and arms were tied up in knots of tension and anxiety and despite Pendragon's very positive view of Dr. D, I didn't want to go through with the appointment at all. It took all I had to make myself follow him down the hall from the waiting room to his office. Once I got through that appointment, it made it a little easier the next time. I'll admit though that although I've now seen Dr. D three times, there's still a part of me which is nervous about fully letting my guard down. Overall though, it's been a positive experience.
Dr. D is a nice man, has a decent sense of humour, and seems quite concerned to make the experience of therapy as comfortable for me as possible. He's also very smart and knows a lot about PTSD in a way that Pendragon doesn't. I've already learned more about it than I knew before and given Dr. D's expertise, I now have a formal diagnosis of PTSD. I wasn't looking for a diagnosis, but now that I have one, I feel a kind of relief. That may sound odd, but one of the lies that PTSD sometimes tells you is that what you went through wasn't that bad or that you're blowing it all out of proportion. In other words, you start to feel like you're a bit crazy for feeling the way you do. Having a formal diagnosis of PTSD gives validity to the feelings I've had and the symptoms I've been experiencing and makes me feel less like I'm just crazy.
So lots of good things and a few very challenging things as well, but overall, life has been a bit better if a bit exhausting. I don't know how much writing I'm going to be doing between now and the beginning of next month, but I'm aiming to at least try and write something once a week instead of letting so much time elapse. My apologies for such a long post and my gratitude if you actually read all of this navel-gazing!
Until next time...
I know it's been a while since I've written in this blog, so I wanted to pop in and give a quick update. Life has been kind of stressful in the last month or so and it's made me struggle with trying to find any inspiration. It seems that occasionally I get a particular blog post idea in my head and then by the time I have the energy to get around to it, it's gone. The other thing that's been happening a lot lately is that I just never seem to have the energy to manage even opening my laptop so I can write something.
So what's going on in my world? Well, some transitions, a significant milestone, and a few other things.
The transitions are mostly to do with some changes with Gray's work schedule and how that's affecting me. It's been about two weeks since the changes went into effect and I'm still struggling to get used to it. There were some real frustrations with the changes early on as I was afraid they were going to make it worse for me with regard to what I need to do to see to my mental health (counselling, spiritual direction, and EMDR therapy), but after several conversations together with Gray, a few with Pendragon, and a few between Gray and his boss, the knot of tension in my gut that's been there for a good three weeks has finally eased.
As for milestones, well, Miss AB had her First Holy Communion on April 30th. She looked absolutely beautiful and it was such a joyful and meaningful Mass for her and our whole family. My awesome mom-in-law Balinda flew down the Thursday beforehand and stayed w/us the whole weekend. My folks came on the day along with AB's godmother (plus her hubby and 3 kids) and her godfather, who drove in from out of state. After Mass, we enjoyed the party in the parish hall and then went out to the Olive Garden to celebrate w/my folks, Balinda, and AB's godfather. It was a wonderful meal and I think everyone had a great time -- most of all AB who received a whole bunch of presents from everyone.
As for the rest, the bulk of it has been me getting ready for my trip to New York City to walk in my second Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk (click the link if you'd like to donate as I'm still working toward my goal!). I've been doing a good bit of walking at the gym and the park to get my body in better shape to actually do the walking that's going to be required. Additionally, I finally got my hotel and flight nailed down and am steadily working on the things I want to do in my limited time there that weekend. I've never been to NYC and have wanted to go since I was a kid, so this is super exciting for me. I just wish I had more than just the weekend to spend exploring and seeing all the wonderful things NYC has to offer. On my list are:
- a visit to the MoMA (to see Van Gogh's The Starry Night)
- Mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral on Sunday
- cannolis to enjoy and take home from some luscious bakery in Little Italy
- pictures of as many famous sights as possible (I promised my girls I'd try to get a good one of Miss Liberty!)
- shopping to buy a few souvenirs to take home
- and of course, walking 16-18 miles for suicide prevention from Saturday night into Sunday morning!
One other thing of note that has been going on of late is that with much fear and trepidation, I began seeing a psychologist, Dr. D (not to be confused with my regular therapist Pendragon), who specialises in PTSD and is trained and certified to do EMDR treatments. Given my past experiences with mental healthcare professionals, it was really hard to go to that first appointment. Gray went with me to offer support, encouragement, and took over the responsibility of filling out the requisite new patient paperwork. My stomach, back, shoulders, and arms were tied up in knots of tension and anxiety and despite Pendragon's very positive view of Dr. D, I didn't want to go through with the appointment at all. It took all I had to make myself follow him down the hall from the waiting room to his office. Once I got through that appointment, it made it a little easier the next time. I'll admit though that although I've now seen Dr. D three times, there's still a part of me which is nervous about fully letting my guard down. Overall though, it's been a positive experience.
Dr. D is a nice man, has a decent sense of humour, and seems quite concerned to make the experience of therapy as comfortable for me as possible. He's also very smart and knows a lot about PTSD in a way that Pendragon doesn't. I've already learned more about it than I knew before and given Dr. D's expertise, I now have a formal diagnosis of PTSD. I wasn't looking for a diagnosis, but now that I have one, I feel a kind of relief. That may sound odd, but one of the lies that PTSD sometimes tells you is that what you went through wasn't that bad or that you're blowing it all out of proportion. In other words, you start to feel like you're a bit crazy for feeling the way you do. Having a formal diagnosis of PTSD gives validity to the feelings I've had and the symptoms I've been experiencing and makes me feel less like I'm just crazy.
So lots of good things and a few very challenging things as well, but overall, life has been a bit better if a bit exhausting. I don't know how much writing I'm going to be doing between now and the beginning of next month, but I'm aiming to at least try and write something once a week instead of letting so much time elapse. My apologies for such a long post and my gratitude if you actually read all of this navel-gazing!
Until next time...
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