Watch -- First Sunday of Advent

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Be watchful! Be alert! You do not know when the time will come. It is like a man traveling abroad. He leaves home and places his servants in charge, each with his own work, and orders the gatekeeper to be on the watch. Watch, therefore; you do not know when the Lord of the house is coming,
whether in the evening, or at midnight, or at cockcrow, or in the morning. May he not come suddenly and find you sleeping. What I say to you, I say to all: ‘Watch!’” -- Mark 13:33-37

Watch.

We do a lot of watching in our lives. We watch our children grow. We watch what we are cooking so as not to burn it. We watch for a loved one to return home safely from a trip. We watch television and movies. We watch the seasons change. We watch our gardens grow. We watch the sunset or sunrise.

As a mother of three, I do a lot of watching of my children -- laughter, tears, fights, tantrums, frowns, smiles, dancing, singing, tea parties, Lego building, story telling, modeling shows. I watch the years pass by and my girls get taller and more mature looking. I watch them learning to read, dress themselves, make their own toast, and play outside in our yard unsupervised. I watch all of these things, but one of the things I love to watch time and again is their growing love for God and their faith. It is so sweet and innocent and every time I hear one of them tell me proudly something they've learned in PSR or make a statement like, "You know Momma, I love you and daddy and my sisters and <insert several other family members>, but I love God most of all!" my heart just melts into a puddle.

Faith is so important in this life, but of course, it is our eternal and immortal souls that are the biggest focus of faith. In this passage from the Gospel of St. Mark, Jesus is telling His disciples to watch for Him and be ready when He comes on the last day. Like the disciples, none of us knows the day or the hour when Christ will come again, so we are well advised to make ourselves ready every day.

Obviously in this season of Advent, we are not making ready for the second coming of Christ, but making ready is at the center of what this special season is all about. We make ready our homes by doing things like cleaning and beginning to decorate. More importantly, we make ready our hearts by examining our consciences to discern where we've sinned, confessing that sin to Him and asking His forgiveness and by acts of worship and service.

By doing these preparations of the heart, we prepare a precious gift of ourselves for the newborn babe in the manager. By doing these things, we are joining with the Israelites of old as they waited and watched for the Messiah. By doing these things, we are reminded of the reason for His first coming -- "to save us all from Satan's power, while we were gone astray." By doing these things, we not only prepare our hearts for Christmas but for that second coming and as the Eucharistic prayer says, we "await the blessed hope and coming of Our Saviour, Jesus Christ."

How do you prepare your heart for Christmas?

O City, My City!

This is a continuation of my previous entry London Calling! about my love for and my experiences in the UK and more specifically, my beloved London.

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When I got on the plane in Atlanta to fly to London for the spring semestre in 1997, I had no idea what wonderful adventures and experiences awaited me. I had, of course, heard the stories of previous study abroad students, but nothing could have begun to prepare me for what awaited me when I got off the plane at Gatwick Airport that brisk January morning.

We arrived in London and took a coach from the airport to the study center where we would be living for the term to get settled into our new digs. I was excited to see all the famous sights I'd seen pictures of, but as Gatwick is about 30 miles outside central London, I was forced to wait a little bit as we trundled along in the coach. I nibbled on the Cadbury's chocolate that our program director had given us as we arrived and watched green fields, houses, petrol stations, shops with unfamiliar names, and the flow of traffic on the left side of the road instead of the right.

Yummy, yummy! An assortment similar to what we nibbled on that first morning.

Five Minute Friday: Give

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

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I hear the whisper in my consciousness that reminds me that it is yet again Friday and time for another five minutes of writing without regret. I wonder yet again if I am ready and go to look for the prompt.

Give.

What can I do with that? I stare at the word for the longest time and think a million thoughts, none of which are remotely related to "give" or if they are, they are more along the lines of some of my previous Five Minute Friday entries which have fed off the darkness in my mind. I hold back and wonder if I can really do it this week. Am I hesitant because I do not wish to share any more of my journey or is it for another reason? Is it because I wish to write something new instead of the same old thing? Why do I care so much? This is supposed to be writing that is done for me primarily and only shared because I enjoy the community that goes along with it. How long will I sit here and dither over this before I finally screw up my nerve, start the clock and begin typing? Not much longer, it appears as inspiration suddenly strikes and my fingers fly across the keyboard in a rhythmic tapping, leaving letters and words and phrases in their wake.

As I read back over it before hitting publish, I wonder if I dare to share this with the rest of the community. I muse over it and think that perhaps it would be best to stop and leave these words to another day or perhaps another season. I am tired and perhaps I ought to turn in for a few hours sleep before contemplating this again. My fingers still their pace over the keyboard as I insert the last few characters and glance back up over my work. I am quiet for a moment or two, pondering and weighing whether to delete it all and begin anew or stay with what I have written, link up and see what happens. In a moment, the decision is made and I am finished. I decide to offer this up as a little gift of thanksgiving in light of the Thanksgiving Day that has just passed.

It is my gift to you who so kindly come and read my natterings on this blog. Did you notice what I have given you?

Join the Five Minute Friday party at Kate Motaung's blog!

London Calling!

After my Five Minute Friday post last week about noticing London, I've kind of had it on the brain, so I thought I'd expand a little bit on that theme. Here's the first entry in what I hope will be a few about this city that I love so much! Once I write the second entry, I'll link up to it at the bottom of this one!

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-- quote from Samuel Johnson

I admit it. I am in love.

I am in love with a city and that city is London.

Five Minute Friday: Notice

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

Also, in the interest of trying to be my authentic self and letting you "notice" the real me, I'm writing through a lot of intense emotional pain right now. This may or may not come out in my words below, but whether or not it does, it's time to start the clock...take a breath...five minutes...here we go...

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Noticing London

I leave the study center where I live with all my fellow students and step out into the brisk February air. It is cold, but not so cold that I am frozen solid. The sky is a typical sort of London grey with heavy clouds. As I go down the front steps and stroll the sidewalk, I take in the row of attached houses behind me and around the corner. I continue walking, occasionally passing people as I make my way to the Tube station two blocks away. 

On the corner of Gloucester Road, there is the fruit man on the corner. He is there almost every day and I have become a familar face to him. He spots me and gives a little smile, his eyes crinkliing at the corners. " 'Allo there luv. How yer doin' this mornin'? What ken I do ya for?" he says by way of greeting. I return his smile and exchange pleasantries as I select a couple of pieces of fruit, hand over a few pence, and wave goodbye as I make my way to the Tube station. Inside, I put my ticket in the turnstiles and walk through, grabbing it from the other side as I continue my stride.

The Tube zips along quickly and I get off at Victoria Station to find my local internet cafe. The station platform is crowded with people of every conceivable colour of the rainbow. There are Indians, Afghans, Brits, Americans, Italians, Germans, Swedes, Danes, and everything in between. I know because I hear their dialects, accents, and native tongues in conversations as I pass through on my way to the cafe. The smells of the people are mixed too. Some food smells, strong cologne, delicate perfume, a mixture of sweat and dust, and the ever present smell of body odour. 

Behind me, I hear the sound of the Tube train's doors shutting and the rumble as it speeds away to the next station. As I make my way out into the grey clouded daylight, I am struck by this mix of cultures, sights and sounds. All on display, if only one will take a moment and notice.

It is in noticing these things that I have fallen in love with this city of tea, gardens, palaces, crisp BBC and warm rolling Cockney accents, Cadbury's chocolates, and yes, even the slightly piquant body odour of those who are not fond of deodorant. All of it is real and authentic and unabashedly who it is. And I am glad to notice. 

Want to join the FMF party? Click here for more info!

Update on series #ForAlltheSaints

Can I make a confession, friends?

I'm struggling. Life is super busy at this time of year and if I'm being honest, I still have a long way to go in this journey through this period of depression too. The last several days have been emotionally really difficult for me and I think my writing may need to be something that I do as I am inspired for a while rather than just being so structured.

One Lovely Blog Award

I can hardly believe it, but I have been nominated for this award not once but three times recently. I am absolutely bowled over that even one person thought my natterings here are worthy of an award, but three? I am just so humbled. Thank you to all of you who were so generous and kind to nominate me for this.

The first nomination came from my fellow 31 Days blogger buddy, Charlotte whose blog really is very lovely and who is a genuinely lovely person too. The second nomination is from another 31 Days blogger buddy, Barbara who writes so eloquently about being a caregiver on her blog and is someone I'm so very glad to say is definitely a part of my online tribe! Finally, I was nominated by Tara, my sweet friend from 31 Days, whose stories about her mom's struggle with mental illness and her relationship with her mom touched my heart on so many days and inspired me to continue sharing my own story of mental illness. All of these ladies have been a wonderful encouragement to me as I've written my 31 days journey and I am very grateful to have met them and gotten to know them through this challenge.

Five Minute Friday: Still

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

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Here I am Lord. The night is quiet and still and I am here, alone, with You.

How many nights have I been in this wee hours' stillness?
How many of those nights have I waited for You to make your presence known to me?
How many of those nights have seen me with tears streaming down my face in anger and sadness and frustration because You won't come near?

My soul has been so un-still for such a long time. I have wanted to rest in Your stillness, but no matter how often I seek Your face, You are silent.

I have tried to listen in the silence. I have craned my ears, desperately searching for some whisper of You in this dark place. But Your voice is no where to be found. My eyes search for You. My voice calls out for You over and over and over and over. I have begged You from the depths of my being to come and lift me from this place, to let me come close to You again and touch the hem of your garment that I might find healing.

But there is no rest for me. There is no still. There is only silence again and again.

I have searched for you in stillness.
I have been brave.
I have kept my promises.
I have chosen life over and over again when everything in me wanted to swallow down death like water.
I have pursued You even when it was supreme agony for me.
I have followed Your commands and Your desires for me.
I have put my trust in the fact that I know You are there despite my inability to feel You or see You or have any indication of Your presence.

But I am tired. And I need the still, steady peace of Your Holy Spirit to pour over my hurts and bathe every one in Your healing balm. I need Your still hands to bandage my spirit's wounds. I need the stillness of physical, mental, and emotional rest.

I want to believe You still hear me. I want to believe that You still care. But I don't know You anymore. I don't know who You are anymore or where You are or if I will ever fully trust You again.

I want all of these things, but I am still angry.

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Join in the Five Minute Friday party at Kate Motaung's blog!

Spoons

During I did the Write 31 Days blog challenge. The series I wrote dealt with my current journey through the darkness of depression. At the end of the 31 days, I wasn't anywhere close to the end of my story -- partly because I'm still living it, but also because it's such an involved story that I only got as far as last Christmas (2013) in the allotted time. I decided a few days after the challenge finished that I want to keep writing about it. I haven't come back to it yet because I've been writing a new series, but the last couple of days have been rather difficult and it occurred to me that one of the reasons might make a good blog post on this same subject of depression.

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One of the questions that most well-meaning friends and family will ask a person who is depressed is "How are you?" Because I don't usually feel like talking much about it or don't want to get into a long and drawn out conversation about how I'm really doing, I often just say, "I'm okay" or if it's someone I don't mind talking to a little, "I'm tired." Sometimes, both of these are a bit of a fabrication. You might be asking why someone would be less than 100% truthful when a friend or family member is genuinely interested in their well-being? Well, it's usually because I'm either all out of spoons or trying to conserve them.

A Reflection on Tea

I'll admit it. I start my day, every day, almost without exception, with a nice big mug of coffee. It is my eye opener and brain defogger and to be quite honest, I'm probably at least mildly addicted to the stuff. Despite this though, I am drawn to tea.

How Do I Become A Saint? -- #ForAlltheSaints

"Do not be afraid to become the saints of the new millenium!" 

- Pope St. John Paul II

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The quote above is from one of the Catholic Church's most recently canonized saints (and a personal favourite of mine), Karol Wojtyła -- otherwise known as Pope John Paul II. He was speaking to a crowd of young people in Rome at an event he helped start called World Youth Day and was encouraging them to pursue holiness with such zeal that they will become the Church's modern day saints. The Church teaches that we are all called to sainthood -- whether or not we are officially canonized by the Church. The essence of becoming a saint is that we pursue Christ with our lives and in so doing, reach heaven after our earthly sojourn is finished. To become saints, we must live lives of holiness and virtue. It does not mean that we must be perfect, but that when we have failed, we turn back to God again and again and again. Following Christ's example and repenting when we fail in that are at the heart of what it means to become a saint. That said, to become a canonized Saint is something that is both the same and also slightly different.

Stay Tuned!

I know I've not posted in a few days, but it's been a rather tiring weekend. Actually, come to that, I'm still really tired and am about to go have a gigantic herbal tea, watch a bit of Doctor Who and try to convince my brain to have an earlier night of it. I've started another entry in my series #ForAlltheSaints, but just don't have the mental capacity to finish it tonight. I'll finish it up and post it at some point tomorrow.

Instead, here's a clip of some scenes from one of my favourite Doctor Who episodes, "The Doctor's Wife" written by Neil Gaiman and starring Matt Smith as The Doctor. It explores the unique relationship between The Doctor and his time machine/spaceship called the TARDIS. The Doctor has been travelling through time and space with his TARDIS for 900+ years at this point and the relationship is a bit like a lifelong love affair. Enjoy!

Five Minute Friday: Turn

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

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I watch as she dances, twirling, turning, swooping. She is all long blonde hair, long legs, and a snaggle toothed grin, her big sensitive heart evident in every movement and every word.

I watch as she turns over and over across the floor in cartwheels and forward rolls. She is compact and strong, a bundle of kinetic energy springing forth from her almost seven year old frame.

I watch as she toddles toward the door, giggles, and turns back to toddle to me again. She is growing every day, but still soft with baby rolls, baby soft hair, and laughter.

I watch as the days turn into years and my three girls grow and I long at times to turn back the clock. They are perpetual motion machines at times and then just as sudden, they turn into me for hugs, snuggles, and kisses. As much as my heart longs for days gone past, I am glad to watch them change to become the beautiful women that God is making them into with each turn.

Join the fun at Kate Motaung's blog! 

My Little Flower from Heaven -- #ForAlltheSaints

Like most young girls, when I was a teenager, I longed for a boyfriend. I wanted a boy who would care for me and kiss me and hold my hand walking to classes. I wanted that thing that so many of us want -- romantic love. I dated a couple of guys in high school, had a deep friendship with a guy who I think wanted it to be romance, and definitely crushed hard on several guys who I found attractive both for their looks but also their personality and brains.

As I got into college, I found that I not only wanted a guy I could date, but I was looking at guys with a mind toward eventually getting married. Several of my college friends were in dating relationships and some of those led to engagements and marriages. I went to quite a number of weddings in my early-mid 20s. I was a bridesmaid a few times and sang for a few weddings of friends as well. As much as I was happy for my friends, there was a little piece of me that was heartbroken at every wedding I attended. There was always the thought of "when will it be my turn?" or "when will God bring a man into my life to be my husband?" I prayed and prayed and prayed for a husband.

"Pray for us." Say what?? -- #ForAlltheSaints

So far I've talked about the Feast of All Saints, given you some background on my first experience with the saints, and a brief biography of my favourite saint, St. Dymphna. You may be wondering though, what do Catholics really believe about the saints?

There are a number of common misconceptions about what Catholics believe regarding the saints, but the biggest one is that we worship the saints or somehow place them ahead of Jesus. Another one is that because we ask them to pray for us that it somehow means we believe we cannot "go directly to Jesus" or that because we do ask for their prayers that we don't pray to God directly. In order to help clear up some of these misconceptions, here's a brief "what we believe" regarding the saints.

My Best Saint Friend -- St. Dymphna -- #ForAlltheSaints

I was going to write about All Souls Day yesterday, but to be honest, my friends, I had a really really bad day. Some of you who are reading started reading during my 31 Days series last month which was a chronicle of my journey through a particularly dark episode of depression. As I said during that series, that journey is ongoing even now. As of November 1st, it has been 22 months of putting one foot in front of the other and trying to make my way through this. Some days are kind of okay, but I have a lot of days where the struggle is super real and super hard. This past weekend has been like that but in particular, Sunday. All this is to say that I just didn't get anything written like I had planned.

The Feast of All Saints -- #ForAlltheSaints

Welcome to the new series! I hope you'll enjoy this month long series on the Saints!

The Feast of All Saints is, just that. A celebration of all the saints -- all the holy men and women who have died and gone on to heaven before us. These are men and women whose lives have been examined by the Catholic Church and found to be holy examples, worthy of imitation. In short, these are those who have been canonized by the Church as Saints. Of course, the Church views all Christians as saints inasmuch as we are children of God, but the people who we celebrate on this special feast day are those who are saints with a capital S and have the title of Saint (abbreviated St.) in front of their name.

Because all of these people are important in the history of the Church and have a special role within the Body of Christ, this is a very important feast day. It is so important that it is a Holy Day of Obligation and Catholics are obligated to attend Mass that day.

Even though all the saints are special, they are as varied and unique as non-canonized saints and those of us who are still living. They have been doctors, nurses, teachers, mothers, fathers, scientists, popes, bishops, nuns, monks, priests, children, husbands, wives, martyrs, virgins, kings, queens, servants, nobles, and the poorest of the poor. They have come from every race, most every culture, and many nations across the globe. They are a truly representative cross-section of humanity and as such, certain saints appeal to some people while others saints appeal to others. Of course, the big commonality amongst all the saints is their love and devotion to God and their service to Him with their lives. And that is something we're all called to do as Christians -- love God and love our neighbour.

Their varied lives, experiences, and backgrounds are why the Church assigns each saint a particular patronage that is reflective of some facet of that saint's life. For example, the recently canonized Pope St. John Paul II instituted World Youth Day during his papacy and as such, he has been designated as one of two patrons of World Youth Day (Blessed Theresa of Calcutta is the other one).

Here's some links to some more information on this Feast of All Saints:

• The irrepressibly hilarious and insightful Simcha Fisher talks about why she loves certain saints, why she isn't a fan of others, and why that's perfectly okay
• Ever wondered just how many canonized saints there are? Stephen Beale at Catholic Exchange gives an answer.
• Lacy Rabideau at the blog Catholic Icing gives some great ideas for celebrating All Saints Day with kids -- including costumes, treats (I love the Saintly Stigmata Sandwiches!), crafts, games, and more!
• A recording of my favourite hymn for All Saints Day which inspired this series' title -- "For All the Saints" as sung by the Choir of King's College Cambridge, complete with lyrics.

Tomorrow: All Souls Day!

Do you celebrate All Saints Day in your faith tradition? 
If so, what do you do to celebrate or honor the saints on this special day? 
If not, have you ever heard of or do you know of a particular saint that you identify with or that intrigues you?

Let me know in the comments below!

Introducing A New Series

As I got toward the end of the Write 31 Days Challenge that ended yesterday, I started thinking about what I want to do going forward with this blog. Several ideas came to mind and of those, I think I will definitely be pursuing a couple of them in the future, but in the more immediate present, I want to continue the momentum of daily blogging (I did make a commitment to blog daily back in September -- see more about that here) and do another series.

One of the things in the title of my blog is a reference to my faith. I have been a Christian for almost my entire life, but am an adult convert to Catholicism. I came to the Catholic faith after much prayer and discernment and it is a central part of my identity and informs everything in the way I live my life from the way I raise my children to my politics to my relationship with my husband to the way I view the world and society around me. I am always happy to share what I believe (and why I believe it) with others and as such, am always reading and studying my faith. 1 Peter 3:15 says, in part, the following: "...Always be prepared to make a defense to any one who calls you to account for the hope that is in you..." which is a good thing to consider for any Christian -- Catholic or not.

Keeping this in mind, my new series for the month of November is going to be one on.......

......the Saints. What I want to do is provide an overview of what Catholics believe regarding the saints, some biographies of common saints, and a little bit about the process of becoming a saint. I may also write some on other things that are tangentially related to the subject or post some links to articles or other blogs I have found interesting and informative on the subject.

Given that today, November 1st, is the Feast of All Saints, the title of this new series is going to be called "For All the Saints" which is the first line of one of my favourite hymns about the saints:

"For all the saints, who from their labours rest
Who thee, by faith, before the world confessed
Thy Name, O Jesus be forever blessed
Alleluia! Alleluia!"

I know that not all the folks who have been reading my blog of late are Catholic, so this may not immediately be of any interest to you, but I sincerely hope you'll read along anyway. You may have always wondered why Catholics talk about saints or what the big deal about them is or whether or not we really worship them or not (Spoiler: The answer is a very emphatic "no"). I'll try to make it a fun series with interesting trivia, maybe a song or two, and some good information too.

Do you have a question about the saints or Catholic beliefs regarding them?
Do you have a favourite saint or one you'd like to know more about?

Let me know in the comments below and I'll try to answer your questions and maybe do a feature on a saint of your choice! Also, just so you know, this series will probably not run every day, but about 4-5 days a week. In between, I'll be posting other stuff. Just look for one of the hashtags in the title -- #ForAlltheSaints or #TFASCMSaints!