Monday Joys -- July 11, 2016

I'm a couple of days late in getting to my Monday Joys post, but when you see my list, I think you'll understand!

1. Appointment with Pendragon -- always a good thing, but a much needed thing this past week as things had been very difficult the week before. Ended on a good note as we talked about the weekend to come.

2. Voxing with my buddy Tara and hearing all about her awesome week last week.

3. The Five Minute Friday Twitter party on Thursday night -- couldn't do much chatting as I was exhausted from my day and still had stuff to do, but it's always good to see everyone even if all I do is pop in and say hi.

4. Finally had a doctor's appointment w/my regular doctor after about 14-16 months of not seeing him. I was down in my weight by 8 pounds, which he seemed pleased with and I was genuinely glad to report that I've been making some strides in improving my mental health. He ordered labs for cholesterol and I got a phone call on Monday afternoon that my cholesterol numbers were good.

5. Meeting with Fr. B for spiritual direction and prayer. He gave me a very special gift that he picked up in Rome for me. It was a third class relic of Pope St. John Paul II! I loved him even before I became Catholic and have felt a special affection and kinship with him for a long time, but that has only increased since he's been canonized as a saint. Fr. B blessed me with the relic and then gave it to me. I cried tears of joy which only increased when he told me that not only had he brought that back, but that he'd prayed for me at Pope St. John Paul II's tomb while he was in Rome. What a blessing!

6. Appointment with Dr. D for EMDR. It was a very intense appointment as we tackled one of the harder parts of my trauma memory, but I think it was a fruitful appointment. He said that he was very optimistic about my progress and about my future progress.

7. Left Friday morning for Atlanta, Georgia for a "retreat." I put that last word in quotes because although we call it a retreat, it's not a very spiritual kind of thing. It's actually a huge meetup of a group of my friends that I met online some ten years ago. We're a community of women (well mostly women, but we do have a couple of men in the group too) who all practice natural family planning (aka NFP). While a large percentage of us are Catholic, there are a number of different faiths represented from non-Catholic Christian to LDS to Orthodox Jewish as well as some women who do not profess any kind of faith at all. We live all across the USA for the most part, although we also have a number of ladies who live in Canada, and a few more who are in other countries around the world. Every two years, we have a "retreat" where we meet up in a particular city for a weekend of hanging out, talking, laughing, and getting to know one another face to face. The only really spiritual thing we usually do is that we go to the Saturday night vigil Mass together (mostly us Catholics), but even that is a fun experience. I went to my first such retreat two years ago in Kansas City, Missouri and had such a blast that I told Gray I was putting him on notice that in two years, I'd be going to wherever the next one was and to just plan on being without me that weekend. This year, I told him that I'd be going to the one in 2018 even before I left for Atlanta!

It was an amazing weekend! I met several ladies I'd wanted to meet for a long time, reconnected with ladies I met last time, and enjoyed seeing a few of them that I've gotten to know fairly well over the years (who live in my home state). I also felt incredibly loved all weekend long and so supported. That support was very important when I had a flashback on Sunday afternoon at a restaurant. I was so embarrassed by it, but the ladies were so loving, understanding, and supportive that it helped me manage that difficulty much easier than I would have if I'd been alone.

8. Ended my weekend on Monday morning when I took a quick trip to the Atlanta IKEA store after leaving the hotel. I'd never been to an IKEA before, so it was a lot of fun to walk around and see what it was all about. I also grabbed a quick bite in their restaurant before getting on the road to come home. I also bought a few things and made plans to return another day when I have more time to look and perhaps buy something bigger (like furniture) that we need.

9. Seeing my kids again after such a long weekend and being enveloped in their hugs and declarations of how much they missed me and love me.

10. The Barnyard Pimp sandwich from The Pig and The Pint in College Park, GA <--- YUM. SO much YUM! The remainder of the retreatants and I went out to dinner there on Sunday night and 4 of the 7 of us ordered that sandwich. It was marinated fried chicken, sharp cheddar cheese, bacon, avocado, and an apple butter barbecue sauce on an onion roll. As if all that weren't enough, I had their ridiculously delicious loaded mashed potatoes for a side and a Crispin blackberry pear hard cider to drink. Y'all. Just Y'ALL. It was all SO good! We decided that it was our favourite meal of the weekend.

11. Speaking of meals, Friday night's meal at the retreat was super fun too. We kinda all went different ways for dinner that night and I went with a group of seven other ladies (8 of us total) to a local Mexican place down the road from the hotel. We ordered two pitchers of margaritas (trying to be economical since we all wanted one) and although we didn't need the alcohol to turn on our laughter, it certainly increased the giggles. I only had a very small drink since I was driving and it's good that I limited myself because any more than that very small drink and I'd have been over the legal limit for sure. Those margaritas were seriously strong. One of the ladies commented, "They weren't playing around. I think they must have put a gallon of tequila in those two pitchers!" The food was very good and we all enjoyed it. We enjoyed lots of conversation -- which was punctuated with raucous gales of laughter -- along with the food. As we sat waiting for our bills at the end of the meal, we looked up and suddenly saw the staff approaching with a pair of plates and two sombreros. One of the men was carrying a pair of cymbals too. When they reached our table, they put a sombrero on one of the ladies and then put one on me! I was totally surprised! Then they put a plate of sopapilla drizzled with chocolate syrup and covered with whipped cream in front of me and my friend with the other sombrero. We looked at each other in astonishment. "Did you do this?" "No! Did you?" "No!" The entire table shook with laughter as the eight of us tried to figure out who had done this. While all of this was going on, the staff was singing, "Happy Birthday" to us while the man played his cymbals and we laughed uproariously. No one could figure out who had set this up. See, my birthday is in March and my friend's is in February, so neither of us was anywhere near celebrating our birthdays! I'm giggling just thinking about it. We had so much fun that KJ and I have declared that July 8th is, forevermore, our shared NFP birthday. On Saturday morning, one of the ladies who had heard the story of our "birthday" celebration gave both of us a "birthday" card with the inscription, "Happy NFP Birthday!" It was absolutely perfect.

With a bit of luck, next week's edition will be posted on Monday instead of Wednesday. I thought about it on Monday night, but was so tired that I decided it was probably a good idea for me to try and sleep. Then I took one more day to rest up a bit before attempting to write. I had such a great weekend that I needed a day and a half to recover!

Until next week!

Five Minute Friday: Grow

It's been a few weeks since I've joined in with the Five Minute Friday community, but this week's prompt got my creative juices flowing once again. If you'd like to join in the fun, just head over to our community hostess Kate's blog Heading Home for more info! Without further ado, here's my take on this week's prompt word:

GROW

This week's prompt kinda got me thinking about a lot of different ways I could go with this idea of "grow." I wanted to start writing about it on Thursday night after my shower, but it was already getting late and I was exhausted so it got put off until now. In the meantime, I kept sort of noodling over the idea and thought I knew where I was going with it.

Until this afternoon. When M2 and her sister AB got into a bit of a fuss over watching TV (the usual fuss of one wants to watch one thing and the other doesn't), my idea about this week's prompt went right out the window.

As it was a pretty afternoon, our front door was open with the glass storm door closed to keep out bugs and let in light. The fuss between my two eldest girls ended with AB getting what she wanted and M2 getting frustrated and then walking outside. I knew she likely just needed a bit to cool off, but then I looked up and realised that it had been more than a bit, so I went outside to find her.

I called her name and she answered immediately and came up to the front porch where I was standing. The conversation went something like this:

Me: You okay?
M2: Yeah, I was just playing a bit. I should get my shoes.
Me: Probably, but it's okay for a little bit. You sure you're okay?
M2: Yeah. (sighs and looks down for a moment) I mean I was mad at AB, but I'm not now. The higher road is justice, right Momma?
Me: (taken aback and not sure what she means) What was that last bit about justice?
M2: The higher road is justice. Justice means fairness. It would be fair for AB to only get a 30 minutes of her movie instead of the whole hour and a half since I only got to watch 30 minutes of Star Trek, right? (Author's note: Yes, we are that nerdy of a family)
Me: Yes, that's right. That would be fair. But the higher road would be being generous and allowing her to watch the whole thing instead of being nitpicky about what's most fair.
M2: You're right mom. It would be.

We hugged and then she looked at me and said:

M2: But do you think maybe since I'm letting her watch the whole thing instead of just a half hour that we could have a non-messy dinner in the living room and I could watch something I want to watch?
Me: Let me talk to Daddy about it, okay pumpkin?
M2: Okay, Momma.
Me: (hugging her tight and kissing the top of her head) I love you, M2. You know that?
M2: (her hugging me back and then kissing my cheek with a grin) Yeah, I know. I love you too, Momma.

Higher road and justice and generosity....how on earth did she get so big so fast?

My original plan was to write about how much I feel like I've grown in the last several months, but this little moment with my biggest girl caught me off-guard and made me realize with a start how much she's grown in the last year. It makes me think of that that ABBA song, "Slipping Through My Fingers" which I heard for the first time while watching the movie Mamma Mia several years ago. My eldest will be 10 years old this year and yet, it seems like only yesterday that she was a baby in my arms. Time keeps slipping through my fingers and she keeps growing -- not just in her physical body, but her maturity too. It seems like this last year has been one where she's changed a lot faster.

I'll admit, there's a part of me that wants to put a rock on her head and try to slow her down, but there's also that part of me that swells with pride and joy over the young lady she is fast becoming. Kids growing up truly is a bittersweet thing and while it's hard, I'm trying to capture as many of these moments as I can because I know one day, I'll look up and she'll be heading out on her own.

Love you, bug. ~ Momma

Psalm 12

I'm a day late with this meditation. Yesterday was a long day and by the time I got around to finally having time to sit down and actually write, my ability to think coherently was long gone. I'll admit that there was also the issue of being frustrated and not wanting to write yesterday. With each day that passes, I'm finding it harder and harder to write. It's not that the subject matter is so complicated, but I think I'm hitting a wall mentally. That and the last several days, I feel like I'm writing the same words over and over. The more I think about it though, maybe that's what I'm supposed to do.

Today's psalm is subtitled, "Plea for Help in Evil Times." You know, this was written a few millennia ago, but given the way our world seems to be at the moment, it could have just as easily been written today. It speaks to how there are so few people left who are godly in the psalmist's world. It's very easy to see how that applies to our world. You know that old saying, "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer"? For me, that is a good example of this idea. The reason the rich get richer and the poor get poorer is because of the sinfulness that so permeates our world. You can see it play out in other areas as well -- war, domestic violence, slavery, famine, the lust for power, murder, etc. With all that ungodliness going on, it's easy to see why the psalmist penned these words:

Help, O Lord, for there is no longer anyone who is godly; the faithful have disappeared from humankind. They utter lies to each other; with flattering lips and a double heart, they speak. (verses 1-2)

But those who suffer in the wake of such ungodliness -- the poor, enslaved, beaten, sick, unjustly imprisoned, etc -- are not forgotten by God. Even as the psalmist bemoans the wickedness he sees around him, he expresses his hope in God's love for those who follow him and suffer injustice:

"Because the poor are despoiled, because the needy groan, I will now rise up," says the Lord. "I will place them in the safety for which they long." (verse 5)

God does see when His children suffer and even when it seems there is no one left who follows Him, He won't leave us abandoned. He will place us in safety.

That's a hard thing to see sometimes in the thick of it. I know if someone had said to me during my trauma almost three years ago that God had not abandoned me and would place me in safety, I'd have thought they had lost their mind. Quite honestly, I would have thought that if they'd said it to me in the immediate months after the trauma. I had horrible flashbacks, the most vivid and scary nightmares I've ever had, and was mostly miserable and felt very unsafe for a long time.

Looking back on it though, I can see that while I didn't feel safe, God was holding me in a place of safety. He was loving me through others -- my husband Gray, my three sweet little girls, my big brother Chez, my friend Rikert, and many others -- and through the therapeutic skills of my therapist Pendragon. He kept me safe from myself on a number of occasions when I despaired of anyone who cared or loved me. Eventually, He also loved me through providing spiritual healing through the ministry of the Church and my spiritual director, Fr. B.

I still have moments and even whole days or weeks when I feel unsafe and abandoned, but I am beginning to know in a more powerful way that even when I feel that way, He hasn't left me drowning in the aftermath of the evil that wreaked such havoc on my life. I still have a long journey ahead of me, but I feel better able to weather the storms of this illness and this thing we call life (because goodness knows life has tons of storms even without mental illness!) than I have felt in a long time.

Until next time...

Pax Christi!

Five Minute Friday: Share

I'm linking up with the Five Minute Friday community again today to spend time writing on this week's prompt: SHARE. If you'd like to join the party, come on over to Kate's blog and link up with the rest of the community! Just click here to find today's post and scroll to the bottom to link up your own musings on today's prompt. Without further ado, here are my thoughts on....

SHARE

Some people probably wonder why I share so openly on this blog. In part, it's because I've always loved to share. I was always the girl who happily shared things with others when she was little. I would share my food, share my toys, and share my love through hugs, kisses, and kind words. As I grew older, I learned in some ways to be more selfish. I suppose that's part of growing up in this fallen world, although I'm ashamed to admit that I don't share as readily as I did when I was a child.

I'll admit that I don't share chocolate very easily. I find it very difficult to share my trust. I struggle with sharing my story at times because it's really hard and takes a lot of strength and courage to do so when the story is dark and difficult. I was reminded last night though of why I love sharing. It does something to me inside that I find difficult to put into words.

Yesterday was my 40th birthday and it was a really great day by all accounts. I think part of why it was such a great day is that I did a lot of sharing. I shared some time with an old friend and her daughter over coffee and cake pops at Starbucks and then as we meandered through Target together. I shared my popcorn (from Target) with my youngest daughter for an afternoon snack. I shared my discoveries about my family history and ancestry with my mother in law. I shared the remaining cake pop with all three of my girlies.

I shared birthday dinner with my family -- including a gigantic dish of fried ice cream that was brought out to celebrate my birthday (complete with 5 spoons to facilitate sharing). * As we sat there eating spoonfuls of frosted flake covered vanilla ice cream drenched in chocolate and strawberry syrups and mountains of whipped cream, I reflected on how much I enjoy sharing with them. There is something sweet about sharing moments of joy and a delicious dessert with those I love. I think it's beccause amidst the sharing of tasty treats and time spent together, underneath it all, what we're really sharing -- is love.

And isn't that what sharing is all about? When we share with others - be it joy, time, clothes, toys, or even sorrows -- what we're really doing is showing love. I think that's why sharing appeals to me so much. It's a chance to love on people and that is something that I've always enjoyed and believed that I'm called to do.

In the interest of sharing, I'll share this with you -- while I didn't write this in exactly five minutes, I did actually set a timer today! The little * above is where my timer went off! Until next time...

A Few Links for Wednesday

I don't often pass along links, but I save them a lot. Facebook is a place where I find a number of them. If you're on Facebook, did you know that you can save links? It's super easy. Just click (or tap if you're on your phone) the little arrow in the upper right hand corner of the post containing the link and select "save link." It will add the link to your "Saved" page. Then you can go back and look at your links at your leisure. I use this all the time when I run across something that looks interesting, but I don't have time to really read it or look at it right that moment. You can also use this feature to save pictures, videos, and posts (yours or others' posts) to look at later. I love it for all those yummy looking recipe videos that are floating around on Facebook. Anyhow, here's a few links that I've found recently that I thought you might enjoy having a look at. It's a hodgepodge of stuff, but life is a bit of a hodgepodge as well, right?

1. Catholics routinely make the sign of the cross at the beginning and ending of prayers, during Mass, and as a part of other rituals and rites. If you don't understand what it means, it can seem an empty gesture, but the reality is that it's full of meaning. This short video (only 2 minutes, 35 seconds) explains three awesome things that this gesture means.

If you're interested in learning more, this article "21 Things We Do When We Make the Sign of the Cross" from Catholic Exchange is a great list of things that the sign means. Even if you aren't Catholic, I highly encourage you to give either the video or article a look. It's really interesting stuff and will give you a greater understanding of this beautiful gesture of Catholic faith.

2. Since I have quite a few friends who, like me, have kids, I've seen this a few times, but it is really neat. It's a video that shows you how to make your own watercolour paints! Seriously. That is SO cool! I haven't tried it yet, but I really want to give it a whirl and see how they come out. It looks really easy and involves ingredients that most folks already on hand in their kitchen. I could see this also being something fun for grandparents, aunts/uncles, babysitters, or teachers to try. Crafty!

Homemade Watercolors
Posted by Skillshare on Tuesday, February 2, 2016

3. I am an unabashed Anglophile and Hibernophile. This means I really, really love most things that are British or Irish. :) Tea is one of my favourite things and it is so perfectly British and Irish that it might as well be a part of their collective DNA. It's so ubiquitous that they sometimes don't even bother saying "tea" at all, but will instead say to you, "Let's have a cuppa. I'll put the kettle on." Many British offices have tea trollies which are a cart that's pushed around the office so you can grab a cuppa and a biscuit (that would be a cookie to us Americans) for your break or to enjoy at your desk. People drink it black, with lemon, white (with milk), and with or without sugar. A particularly British thing is what many Americans refer to as either "afternoon tea" or "high tea." These are used interchangeably, but did you know they're not necessarily the same thing? This brief article highlights the similarities and differences. A word of caution though: it's likely to make you crave a cuppa and some scones! Here's the Difference Between Afternoon Tea and High Tea!

4. Because I love a good recipe, how about some Samoa Brownies? Om, nom, nom, NOM!!! A friend posted this on FB and I had to save it. They look so delectable and like they'd be pretty easy to make. Here's a picture of the finished product, courtesy of the blog Incredible Recipes from Heaven:

And of course, the link to the recipe! The blog post has step by step pictures to make it easier to see what it should look like as you go alone. Mmmmm....

5. And finally, but, I think probably the most important link of all, this link of a letter "To the Husband With the Wife Who Has Depression" If you don't look at any of the other links on this page, please give this a read. It is written from the perspective of the wife struggling with depression to her husband. I could have written every single word. As I read it, I found myself getting teary-eyed and choked up. So much of the thoughts in it resonate with me and my experience. It expresses not only how hard things are for the wife, but what she needs from her husband in the way of support and understanding. One thing that is different from my experience is that Gray actually knows all of this. I am so incredibly grateful that he does, so I posted this to my FB timeline and tagged him. I also added the following note to him:

I love you so much for knowing all this, for holding me fast through the darkest hours, for helping me grow beyond the place where I stay silent all the time, for being my safe place to fall when I do find reaching out hard, for all the sacrifices you've made for me both big and small, and for loving me mind, body, and soul with the love of Christ. I could say all this a thousand times a day and it wouldn't be enough to adequately express how grateful I am that God joined us together or how deeply I love you. You are my heart and my beloved. Always. xoxoxo 

Hope you've enjoyed one or more of these links! I'll share a few more another time. Have a great Wednesday!

99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall...(A Holiday Recap)

It's a new year and believe it or not, it's already the 13th of the month! Half of January is gone and I've been slacking. Well, not exactly slacking, just not really writing. Part of that is because of something that happened last week just after we returned home from visiting Gray's family for Christmas and New Year's. I'm working on a blog post about it, but it may be a few more days before it's ready. As I've been on my computer this evening, I actually ran across something on Pinterest that might evolve into a blog series. I'm going to noodle over it for a bit, read some more at the blog where I got the idea, and with any luck, something interesting will come out of it. I actually felt a little bit of excitement when I first saw it -- which is kinda rare for me these days. Who knows?

In other news, we had a pretty good Christmas as these things go. Made the two day drive to my in-laws house, stayed about 2 weeks (from just before Christmas until just after New Year's), and made the two day drive home -- and NO ONE got sick.

Y'all. That is so HUGE.

We have been married for 10 years now and in that amount of time, we have never been able to go to my in-laws house and have everyone well when we leave, well on the road, well while we're there, and well all the way home. The usual culprit is Miss AB (our middle girl). She gets kinda pukey sick and it has the potential to be very very bad. Put it this way, we've visited the local hospital near my in-laws house TWICE because she was vomiting and we couldn't get her to keep anything down. We've also had sickness spread through the family too. Last year (Christmas 2014) while we were there, Gray got sick twice and the second time around was bad enough that we had to stay an extra day so he'd be well enough to travel! This year, I made sure we all got flu shots well in advance of the trip and on the advice of my mother-in-law, picked up some Dramamine for AB on the off-chance that her sickness might be motion-induced. It worked!

The visit itself was pretty good. We enjoyed time with Gray's brother and his wife, Gray's sister, and the girls all had fun with their cousin E-beth. We also did a studio portrait session with the whole family and got some great prints of our immediate family, one of our three girls, and a couple of others. After the portrait session, I enjoyed some girl time with my two sisters-in-law.

Also discovered that I like spicy bourbon. My brother-in-law suggested that I try Evan Williams Fire as it's very smooth. It is delicious! I bought a fifth of it and enjoyed the entire bottle over the course of the two weeks, a finger or two at a time. The only bad thing is that I am pretty sure that it's not available in my state (we have strict limits on what can be sold w/regard to alcohol) and it's illegal according to state law to bring any alcohol across state lines. Oh well! Something to look forward to when I go back! Got to go to my favourite local fabric store with my mom-in-law and snagged some Doctor Who, Star Wars, and Star Trek fabric and something that made me think of Firefly as well. Geek fabric for the win! 

New Year's Eve was a quiet evening back at my in-laws' house. We basically watched the BBC America Doctor Who marathon all day long. The only break was when we five left to go to the local parish to attend the Vigil Mass for the Solemnity of Mary the Mother of God. It's a holy day of obligation (meaning you have to go to Mass) and you can either go on the day itself (January 1st) or the evening before at the Vigil Mass. Since we knew we were going to stay up late to ring in the new year, we elected to go the evening before. I'm kinda glad we did. It was very calm and quiet in the church and to be honest, my nerves were a little bit frazzled. The church was still decorated with all the beautiful candles, Christmas trees, and the Nativity scene and there was a sort of hush as we entered and settled ourselves into a pew. I can't say that I felt a deep sense of God's presence (although I know He was there), but there was a peacefulness about being there that I've missed. After Mass, we returned to Gray's folks' house and the Doctor Who marathon continued. Dinner was yummy pot roast with mashed potatoes, carrots, and broccoli which was very comforting on such a chilly night. The rest of the evening was spent drinking hard cider (and bourbon after midnight) and snacking on chips and dip and other yummies while watching Doctor Who. I spent part of it working on my final blog post for the year. When midnight rolled around, we had only our middle daughter AB who was still awake. After kisses and hugs to welcome the new year, everyone but Balinda and I went to bed. We enjoyed some more snacks and chatted while watching TV.

M2, AB, and I had a mommy-daughters date just before we left to come home. We hit the local mall, grabbed pretzels at Auntie Anne's, browsed and bought sale items at Bath & Body Works' semi-annual sale (LOTS of yummy scented hand soaps for cheap!), and enjoyed looking at all the fun stuff at Five Below. The girls had an impromptu lightsaber battle in the store while I looked at grown-up colouring books and funky magnets. In addition to all our smelly soaps, we came home with 2 colouring books for me, 1 each for the girls, and an Inside Out magnet for our ever growing magnet collection. That night as I began the task of packing to come home, Gray and his mom and I watched the special Sherlock episode "The Abominable Bride." SO good!

We got home a couple of days after New Year's and I think we were all glad to be back in our own beds and surrounded by the familiar things of home. Vacation is nice, but it's always good to get back to the regular routine of life too.

Hope you and your family had a good Christmas and New Year's! God bless you in 2016 and always!

The Week in Rear View -- July 6-12, 2015

It's Sunday night, so it's time for a rapid fire little post that I'm going to call "The Week in Rear View" where I take a look back at the week and hit the highlights (and possibly lowlights). Ready? Here we go!

1. It was the week of trying to get my head back together. I returned from Boston on June 29th and felt like the weekend and the walk were all a-jumble in my head. I was struggling to process things emotionally and mentally and felt like I couldn't figure out where to begin. My session with Pendragon helped a tiny bit, but that one little hour the day after I got back just barely scratched the surface. This week, I dove into therapy and self-care head first. I had 2 sessions with Pendragon -- a marathon appointment (about 2.5 hours) on Tuesday, followed by a short phone call on Wednesday, and a second appointment Thursday. Friday morning, I met with my spiritual director Fr. B and received 3 of the 4 sacraments I'm allowed to receive multiple times, and followed that meeting with a very intense hour with just me and Jesus over in the main church. After so much talking and prayer (and a fair bit of extra sleep), I feel like things have been set more to rights and that my brain is finally clicking again and processing things that needed it.

2. The big girls and I managed to get through two chapters of Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone. We're reading it as a bedtime story and usually do a single chapter at a time. They are really getting into the story and keep wanting me to read another chapter once I've finished the one we're currently on. I enjoy it almost as much as they do. It's an exercise for my acting muscles as I like to not only read the text with enthusiasm, but with a different voice for each character. I'm particularly pleased with my Hermione and Hagrid voices.

3. Quite a bit of laundry got done this week by my beloved Gray. He has been slowly trying to go through the clothes and pack up the wrong season stuff, sort out the stuff that needs keeping but is too small for the big girls but too big for GB, and toss out the stuff that is stained/ripped/worn out beyond repair. It's quite a job, but he's made a lot of headway in it and I think a lot of that is due to the fact that he's been home a good bit this week -- see #1.

4. Friday, July 10th was the 2nd anniversary of my admission into inpatient care for depression. It's still very very hard for me to say that out loud (I usually resort to various euphemisms) and hard to type it as well. That day changed my life irrevocably due to the trauma that I experienced because of it. The anniversary this year wasn't as hard as it was last year (or as hard as I was expecting), but it wasn't without its difficulties. I met with Fr. B and afterward, spent over an hour before Jesus in the tabernacle (at Fr. B's parish) praying and crying and praying and crying some more. I snuggled a lot with my girls and Gray too.

5. I went out on a mini-date with each of my two big girls, M2 and AB. Neither outing was more than 30 minutes, but it was fun to ride along with each of them in the car, singing songs and talking and just being together one on one. Need to make an effort to do that more often.

So that's the quick roundup of my week! Thought I'd try a different spin on something I started trying to do a good while back. Hopefully, this is something I can get into a habit of doing. Y'all hold me accountable, okay?

Lull

This is part of my prompts series from the blog The Habit of Being. Each of the posts in this series will feature the prompt for that post as the post title. While I may sometimes use the current day's prompt, it is more likely that I will pick and choose as inspiration dictates. If you are interested in following along with the prompts or writing some of your own, here's the link to the page with the prompts: http://thehabitofbeing.com/writealm/

****

The huge oak tree in fairer weather.

The huge oak tree sways,
Its stately limbs stretching skyward
Side to side, they fan in the heavy breeze.
The air, thick with water
Hot and heavy, despite gusts of wind.
Clouds above hang pendulous
And ever darkening from gray to patchy ash to soot
Plump with the promise of rain soon to come
And the pleasant smell of petrichor when the rain has ceased.
My hair whips around my face
Strands catch my nose, lips, slightly open mouth
As I assess the sky for signs
Of more than the rumbles of thunder and streaky lightning.
Girls rush inside to escape rain.
My feet follow theirs
Fingers flicking the TV on for more learned advice.
The littlest bear crawls into my lap
Seeking snuggles and my voice to read stories.
My lips find her soft hair and
We rock together through "Guess How Much I Love You"
Her sisters retreated to their room
And in the quiet, the sound of falling rain.
I gaze down, see steady breaths
The little bear has fallen asleep
Lulled deep by raindrops, rocking, and reading,
Her sweet curls moving gently in the ceiling fan's cool breeze.
In the lull between wind and water.
In the lull, my eyes close to rest a moment
And fully feel the weight of sleep against my torso
Keeping this rare moment of quiet close to my heart
Before the lull between chaos and chaos ends.

My littlest bear, GB, sound asleep on the sofa.

10 Things To Know About Depression (part 2)

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(This is part two of my post on 10 Things To Know About Depression. Click above for part one.)

6. People struggling with depression who are also suicidal do not always need hospitalisation or a trip to the ER.

A common misconception with regard to suicidal thinking is that the person who is experiencing it is suddenly in need of super intensive intervention like a trip to the ER or being admitted inpatient. True, this is sometimes necessary, but most of the time, what a person struggling with suicidal thoughts needs is someone to listen to them and show that they care. If someone you know tells you that they are struggling with suicidal thoughts, the most beneficial thing you can do for them in most cases is stay with them (or find someone else to stay with them), listen to them and encourage them to keep talking. Let them know how loved, important, and needed they are, and remain with them until such time as these thoughts pass. The thing most people do not understand about actively suicidal thinking is that, for the most part, it encompasses a rather narrow window of time and if you can help a person find their way through that window to the other side, then you give them another day to live and love and fight this illness. 

Of course, there certainly are times when intensive intervention is necessary, but it MUST be done in a way that respects the person's dignity and humanity and doesn't make the situation worse. For more information on how to help someone who is suicidal, please read my post on Understanding More About Suicide.

10 Things To Know About Depression

There is a statistic that I have heard which states that 1 out of every 4 people has struggled with depression at some point in their life. It is a very common mental illness and as such, it is likely that someone in your life has struggled with it or is currently struggling with it. 

With that in mind, here are 10 things to know about depression:

1. Depression is no respecter of persons.

Depression strikes the old, young, rich, poor, fat, thin, those who are alone, those surrounded by loved ones, famous, unknown, every race, every religion (or lack of religion), and people of every conceivable creed. No one, by virtue of his/her status in life is necessarily immune from the possibility that they may suffer with this illness. Certainly, there are particular life situations which make depression less likely, but none are a guarantee.

Five Minute Friday: Meet

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

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I have to be honest, friends. I'm struggling with this week's prompt. I just feel like I've got absolutely nothing on this one. The crazy thing is that I have lots of ideas about "meet" but not a single one of them seems quite right. So I'm just writing whatever comes into my head.

I guess I could talk about the first time I met my online friend Alun in college and the eight days we spent together getting to know one another. I could talk about how much fun we had when we met and how sad I was to see him go back home to the UK. I could talk about how that first meet up cemented what has become a friendship of almost twenty years now and has grown to encompass his wife and family as well.

I could talk about my trip to Kansas City last summer for a meet up with a group of ladies I've known online for almost 10 years. I could write about how I was nervous that they might not like me as much as I already liked them and how that nervousness melted away the moment I walked into the hotel conference room and was greeted with smiles and people joyfully shouting my name.

I could write about meeting each of my beautiful girls for the first time and how I knew in an instant that I would gladly lay down my life for them without hesitation. I could talk about how Gray and I met...oh wait, I think I covered that one a little bit last week.

I could talk about meeting my new blogger friend Tara during the Write 31 Days Blog Challenge and how our similar topics (depression for me, being the daughter of a mom with mental illness, for her) instantly bonded us and we had what our fellow blogger Jen Daugherty calls a "heart click."

Speaking of Jen, I could also mention how I'm looking forward to meeting her and the other Five Minute Friday folks at the retreat this August. I really am, you know :)

I guess now that my five minutes are almost up, I've written about all of it. I have to be honest though, I'm kind of hoping to meet a prompt that I like better next week.

Alla prossima settimana!
(Until next week!)

Join in the Five Minute Friday fun and link up your entry at Kate Motaung's blog, Heading Home!

FMF: Relief

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

Also, my friend Tara's FMF community intro video is at today's prompt page! Go check out her blog, Praying On the Prairie, and the video here! Love you, T!

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Relief

I'll admit that this particular prompt really hits me where I live. I have been yearning for some serious relief from the onslaught of this depressive episode for a good two years. I have had little bits of relief here and there, but nothing lasting and nothing that seems to make a huge difference in things or a huge dent.

Five Minute Friday: Visit

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

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Yeah, it's a Doctor Who travel reference. The Doctor loves to visit new places :)

I'll come clean. I am a very enthusiastic tourist. There are few things I love more than visiting a new place. There is something about seeing new things and new places that just thrills me. I love to explore all the streets, shops, cafes, and ins and outs of a place. I love to visit with the locals. I love to visit art museums and theatres and street markets. I love visiting historic sites and monuments and local places of interest. I love visiting new places in our hometown too. Just this morning, GB and I had to go run an errand and it took us near a new grocery store that opened about a week ago called Sprouts. I've never been to one of those before, so we decided to visit and check it out.

Daybook Online Journal -- Week of January 13, 2015

Welcome to my weekly Tuesday post where I remember the ups and downs and big and little things of daily life for me and my family. I call it my Daybook Online Journal and it's an idea I found via fellow blogger Jenny at her blog, The Littlest Way. Thanks for the inspiration, Jenny! The prompts are a combination of several I've found as I've been researching this particular way of chronicling daily life. Come on in and reflect with me!

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Outside my window... the weather is overcast and grey today. Looks a bit like rain might come along later. It's in the upper 40s, so not too cold, but cold enough to necessitate a jacket when I go out later this evening.

Highlights from this week...

• Finally arrived home after being in Pennsylvania for over two weeks! So glad to be home!
• Big girls went back to school and Gray back to work after the break
• The stomach bug that just won't quit hit me on Friday about midday. This lasted into the wee hours of Saturday. It also meant that I went basically dormant for all of Saturday and most of Sunday too. 
• Monday brought with it a fantastic surprise in the form of a letter from the school system informing us that M2 is on her way to being chosen for the gifted education program! We are so proud of her hard work and accomplishments! She will be tested further (with our consent) and pending the results of the tests and the review of the results by a committee, may be chosen for the program. Both Gray and I were in gifted education programs as children, so we are naturally thrilled that she is being considered for this.
• Monday also brought report cards and both girls did well with AB getting a perfect "straight S-es" report card. She was so excited and we called both sets of grandparents to share her news and her big sister's news about the gifted program.

 This week I am thankful for...

• The return of Downton Abbey -- my favourite British drama
• Cracked pepper and olive oil Triscuits - a slightly spicy, savoury snack especially good with a bit of cheese
• A clothes dryer that works so well, especially with the mountains of laundry we seem to always have!
• My dear sweet Gray who was so good to me during my illness, bringing me water, tissues, and even doing helpful things like putting a waste bin near the bed in case I couldn't make it to the bathroom.
• Fuzzy blankets to snuggle up under on cold and rainy days
• My friend Chez who told me just this morning that he tries to always remember me in his rosary prayers
• Facebook Messenger so I can stay in touch with Jae and so many others
• Voxer messages with T and Jae -- such fun and a great way to stay in touch in real time
• The promise of a new oven to be purchased soon -- huzzah!!!

 Praying for...

• Peace in our world and an end to war, violence, terrorism, and the culture of death   
• My #write31days friend Anita who has been searching for something precious she's lost
• For all of you who so kindly read my blog and comment -- for whatever your needs are (please feel free to leave them in the comments!)
• For those who are hungry, that God would fill their bellies and provide for their needs
• For my three girls that they would make wise and holy decisions and always follow after Jesus
• For my beloved Gray that he will have a good work week as he continues to get back into the groove after our trip
• For my friend Jae and her specific needs and intentions -- love you, Jae!
• For my friend T that she feels better as she has also been battling this ridiculous stomach bug
• For Pope Francis as he is traveling for safety and for the Holy Spirit to guide his words and actions as he ministers to the peoples of Sri Lanka and the Phillippines 

Reading...

• The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien
• Until We Have Faces by C. S. Lewis
• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J. K. Rowling (a re-read)
• A back issue of Quilter's Home magazine given to me by my mom-in-law, Balinda   

Listening to...

• A talk on Sola Scriptura by my friend John Martignoni
• Our community radio station that plays a mix of current and older hits from every musical genre -- country, Christian contemporary, pop, rap, oldies, disco, funk, rock and everything in between. I really love this station because they're super local (although they have an app so I can take them with me when I'm out of the area) and their main focus is giving back to the community so they donate a portion of any revenue they make to local charities, fundraising endeavours, and food banks. Love 99.9!
• Open Line on EWTN radio - a call in radio show with different hosts and different topics about Catholicism each day Mon-Fri  
• The sound of our washing machine chugging away and the dryer thumping along as they wash and dry our clothes

I am wearing.... my comfy black leggings, a sort of dark magenta knit dress, and my very comfy blue slippers that I enjoy wearing around the house.  

 

I am learning... the true meaning of the phrase, "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry."  

My favourite quote of the week: 

        "Let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure."

             -- J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

 

Some pictures from my week... Gray wearing one of the girls' hats to stay warm on a cold blustry morning, AB's weekly vocabulary words, and homemade beef stew on a cold night

 

   

See you next week!

Five Minute Friday: Welcome

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

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2007

It is morning and I look one more time at the little white stick on the bathroom sink and read the word in the display window. Pregnant.

Welcome to our family, tiny little bean.

I am woken by violent pains in my abdomen at 4:00am. I turn over and grab my phone off the bedside table to time the pains. After about 45 minutes of consistent contractions, I wake your father and tell him.

Is it time to welcome you into the world, sweet baby girl?

After several hours hard work, you come screaming into the world, head full of dark brown hair, so different from your big sister's peach fuzz, chubby and almost full term. I am immediately in love with every single inch of you.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, darling AB! You are here at last!

I hold you in my arms, kiss your head and face, count your fingers and toes, and trace the sign of the cross on your forehead in blessing. I put you gently to my breast to take your first meal and rejoice that you seem to know exactly what to do. My heart is so full and even though you are but a few minutes old, I cannot recall what our life was like without you. In this moment, I give thanks for this gift of welcoming you into our family and into the world. In this moment, with you snuggled in my arms, I feel a taste of the welcome of heaven and oh, how sweet it is!

What joy to be welcomed into the Father's presence like a little babe first held by her mother!

Welcome.

Join the Five Minute Friday party and link up your post at Kate Motaung's blog!

Update

Just to get in a few words before midnight, I'm jotting down a quick update. It has been a very busy day and I am exhausted, but miles to go before I sleep. Gray was really ill yesterday with a stomach bug and was in bed pretty much all day. Today he was flat out exhausted and slept most of the day, albeit on the sofa and in the rocking chair. While he was trying his best to recover, I was riding herd on our three plus my niece. We've been visiting my inlaws the last couple of weeks for the Christmas and New Year's holidays and as Gray's sister and her daughter are currently living with them, we've been helping keep an eye on her as needed. Today was one of those days as both my inlaws and Gray's sister had to work. On top of this, since we're leaving to go home in the morning, I was trying to start getting us packed as well. It was total bedlam with all four girls, so the packing kinda got put by the wayside. It is now approaching midnight and I'm finally starting to get it together. Hopefully I can get at least a little sleep tonight.

A domani!

Reveal -- Tuesday of the First Week of Advent

Jesus rejoiced in the Holy Spirit and said, “I give you praise, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned you have revealed them to the childlike. Yes, Father, such has been your gracious will. All things have been handed over to me by my Father. No one knows who the Son is except the Father, and who the Father is except the Son and anyone to whom the Son wishes to reveal him.” Turning to the disciples in private he said, “Blessed are the eyes that see what you see. For I say to you, many prophets and kings desired to see what you see, but did not see it, and to hear what you hear, but did not hear it.” -- Luke 10:21-24

Reveal

One of the biggest things about the days and weeks leading up to Christmas is that we are waiting to see what will be revealed when we open our presents on Christmas morning. When we pull back that paper, what will we see? Will it be something we've been hoping for or something we take one look at and want to return?

Revelation is a theme throughout scripture. In the Old Testament, God reveals Himself to Noah and gives him the instruction to build the ark that saves mankind and again through the covenant that he makes with Abraham and his descendants. He continues this revealing through the Messianic prophesies and in the ways He interacts with His people Israel. He reveals Himself to Moses through the burning bush and when He gives him the Ten Commandments and through the prophet Samuel who admonishes King David when he has sinned. He reveals Himself to King David when He gives him the instructions for building the temple and to David's son Solomon through a dream where He instructs Solomon to ask for whatever he wants.

One Lovely Blog Award

I can hardly believe it, but I have been nominated for this award not once but three times recently. I am absolutely bowled over that even one person thought my natterings here are worthy of an award, but three? I am just so humbled. Thank you to all of you who were so generous and kind to nominate me for this.

The first nomination came from my fellow 31 Days blogger buddy, Charlotte whose blog really is very lovely and who is a genuinely lovely person too. The second nomination is from another 31 Days blogger buddy, Barbara who writes so eloquently about being a caregiver on her blog and is someone I'm so very glad to say is definitely a part of my online tribe! Finally, I was nominated by Tara, my sweet friend from 31 Days, whose stories about her mom's struggle with mental illness and her relationship with her mom touched my heart on so many days and inspired me to continue sharing my own story of mental illness. All of these ladies have been a wonderful encouragement to me as I've written my 31 days journey and I am very grateful to have met them and gotten to know them through this challenge.

Five Minute Friday: Turn

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

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I watch as she dances, twirling, turning, swooping. She is all long blonde hair, long legs, and a snaggle toothed grin, her big sensitive heart evident in every movement and every word.

I watch as she turns over and over across the floor in cartwheels and forward rolls. She is compact and strong, a bundle of kinetic energy springing forth from her almost seven year old frame.

I watch as she toddles toward the door, giggles, and turns back to toddle to me again. She is growing every day, but still soft with baby rolls, baby soft hair, and laughter.

I watch as the days turn into years and my three girls grow and I long at times to turn back the clock. They are perpetual motion machines at times and then just as sudden, they turn into me for hugs, snuggles, and kisses. As much as my heart longs for days gone past, I am glad to watch them change to become the beautiful women that God is making them into with each turn.

Join the fun at Kate Motaung's blog! 

Day Thirty-one: We've Done the Impossible...

I began this 31 Days series with the idea of telling the story of my journey through depression and maybe helping provide some insight and education along the way, but what happened is that I stumbled.

I knew I would.

It's why I gave my series the title "Stumbling Through." I know myself well enough to know that I stumble a lot. The thing about depression is that it provides so many more opportunities to stumble through life, so when I was searching for an appropriate title, it seemed only fitting. The other thing about stumbling is that sometimes you catch yourself and sometimes you fall. I have, thanks to Gray and Pendragon, caught myself most of the time through this journey, but I have fallen too. I haven't really talked here on my blog about how I have fallen, but suffice to say that I've fallen hard enough that it put me behind schedule and very nearly made me stop altogether.