Sunday Funday 2

Hi all! I'm back for another Sunday Funday!

The past couple of weeks have been kinda hectic and stressful, but I've been trying to be good with avoiding sweets late at night. Y'all, I caved this week. I've had a powerful craving for ice cream for about three weeks and I finally gave in this past Wednesday night. I went to our local Publix grocery store with the plan of getting a half gallon of Publix brand Chocolate Trinity for Gray and a half gallon of some other Publix flavour for me. They have all the usual flavours like chocolate, strawberry, mint chocolate chip, vanilla, neopolitan, etc, but my favourites are the limited edition flavours that only appear at certain times of the year. I've had so much in my head lately that I completely forgot what time of year it was, so when I got to the ice cream section and looked through the gleaming glass doors, I got giddy. This is what I saw:

Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream -- my absolute FAVOURITE limited edition flavour. SO good! I had this flavour for the first time at a friend's son's 2nd birthday party about 7 years ago and was immediately hooked. I think they must put crack in it or something. Seriously. That year I think I bought about 5 or 6 cartons of it between when I had it at the birthday party in October and when they finally stopped making it for the year in December. Every year since then, it has been one of my favourite ways of celebrating that fall is here. This year, instead of the regular Publix brand black carton with a nice looking piece of pumpkin pie on the front, they really went all out. Check out the back of the carton. SO cute!

In case you can't read the words, it says, "Buckle your hat, Raise a spoon, And give thanks for dessert." I love the little Pilgrims, the fall leaves and even the bowl of ice cream with its fall leaf decoration. The cup of coffee is also a nice touch, because who doesn't love a cup of coffee or something steamy hot with dessert after Thanksgiving dinner?

I also love how they included this little bit of trivia on the carton about the little Pilgrim salt and pepper shakers. I had no idea they'd been around that long, but that could be because we've only had Publix in our area for about 15 years or so. About three or four years ago, they started airing a Publix commercial in November that features the little Pilgrims sitting amongst a huge Thanksgiving spread. It's such a great commercial that I think they have aired it every years since it first came out. It's one of those that makes you giggle and smile when you see it. Here, have a look:

This is the top of the carton. Notice how the Pilgrims expressions are different here and they're kinda giving each other a sideways glance! They're very expressive for inanimate objects, don't you think? You can actually buy a pair of these for your Thanksgiving table in pretty much every Publix store around the holidays. They're usually about $5-6, I think, so not too expensive. One of these days, I may get some for our holiday table. Need to do a bit more organization first!

And this is the ice cream....oh sooooo good! It's a pale orange coloured pumpkin flavoured ice cream with pumpkin pie spices, bits of pie crust (which somehow stays kind of crunchy), and a whipped cream swirl throughout. I could seriously eat half the carton in one sitting. As it is, I usually finish it in about four servings! Oh and it's seriously awesome with a tiny bit of the Chocolate Trinity flavour in the bottom of the bowl.

 Earlier in the week, I was at Publix getting dinner items and as I passed the dairy case, these jumped out at me! Y'all know what a nerd I am, so I had a hard time not grabbing one or both of these. They also had an espresso chocolate flavoured Darth Vader one and I discovered online that there's two more. One is a hazelnut flavoured C-3PO and the other is a spiced latte flavoured Chewbacca! FUN! I may need to find the Chewbacca one because I love Chewy and spiced anything in my coffee always sounds yummy this time of year. I told a friend online that it would have been awesome if they'd done a Princess Leia Cinnamon Bun one. I mean, come on. How awesome would that have been?

In other food related news, we had some pretty tasty homemade tamales this evening courtesy of our parish's hispanic ministry. They were selling them to raise funds for some of the projects they do and they were $2 apiece or $15/dozen. M2 has been looking forward to the tamale sale since last Sunday when she spotted the announcement in the weekly bulletin! I wasn't sure how she was going to like them, but she seemed to really enjoy the chicken one she had. AB enjoyed hers too, but our littlest, Miss GB, wouldn't touch them. Hooray for the picky almost-3 year old phase! (Not!)

So that's my fun stuff for this week! See you next week!

The Week in Rear View - July 13-19, 2015

It's Sunday night, so it's time for The Week in Rear View -- a rapid fire look back at my world this week!

1. This was the week of getting things ready for Fr. B to come bless our house on Friday night. Thankfully, Fr. B doesn't care that the house is a bit messy, because there's just no way I could've gotten it totally like I really want it to look in the time that I had between setting the date for this and the date itself. I did my best to tidy things up, but by Thursday was still wishing it looked a lot better. I planned the menu, bought the groceries, emailed Father our address, and started prepping. Burned a LOT of spoons (actually more than I really had to burn) to do all of this. Then I got an email from Father on Thursday evening saying that he'd fallen ill with severe vertigo again and been to his doctor who told him he wasn't allowed to drive anymore, so he couldn't come bless the house (it's about 45 minutes between the parish and our house in one direction). I totally understood, but I'll admit I was a little disappointed after having worked so hard in anticipation of his visit and that led to...

2. ....a crash on Friday morning. I've been battling insomnia kinda hardcore this week (3-4 hours sleep each night) on top of all the activity. When I woke up after about 4.5 hours of sleep on Friday morning, I didn't feel at all rested. I felt like I'd been hit by a mack truck -- physically and emotionally. Gray wound up working from home and I went back to bed for most of the day.

3. Made a pretty passable BBQ pork for sandwiches in our crock pot overnight on Saturday night. Woke up Sunday to the smell of braised pork, ready for shredding, BBQ sauce, and bread and butter pickle chips! The only thing that would have made it better would have been the addition of some liquid smoke. I used a premixed barbecue spice rub and some low sodium chicken broth (to keep it from drying out while cooking) and that's it. Super easy and delicious!

4. Realized on Thursday that I am finally at a place where I'm ready to start writing about my trip to Boston for the walk and the event itself. It's taken a good three weeks to really process things and figure out all my feelings and what I want to say, but I think I'm finally there. Hopefully, when this week is done, I'll have something written up about it.

5. Blogged for the first time this week about a subject that I've only mentioned in passing previously: self-injury. It was my Five Minute Friday post for this week (go check it out here!), so it was really only a short sort of introduction, but it's something that's been on my heart a lot lately as I've heard from quite a few friends online and in my offline circles that they have kids struggling with this and just don't know what to do or where to turn. It's something that as a society, we need to be talking about more and I'm going to be writing more in depth on it in the near future.

6. Mass this evening (Sunday the 19th) at Fr. B's parish and then took him out to dinner at the Cracker Barrel near his parish. He had suggested when he emailed me to cancel the house blessing that we all go eat together tonight since he knew how excited our three girls were about him coming to visit and bless the house. It was a lovely evening, just laughing and talking and eating together. It reminded me so much of all the things that we love about him and how truly special he is to our family. We are so grateful to God for the gift of His servant and our beloved family friend, Fr. B!

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Well, that's it for the week! Looking forward to this week, keep an eye out for my post about Boston as well as what I anticipate will be a short introduction to the subject of self-injury. If I have time and energy, I might edit a couple of other posts I've been working on for a while and post them too.

A la prossima settimana!

Five Minute Friday: Fear

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

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(picture courtesy of Warner Brothers Pictures, quote added by me)

So here I am again. It's time to write and well, honestly, the words aren't coming so much. I had a lot of thoughts kinda race through my head but not a single one of them seems to want to coalesce into something coherent. So here are a few thoughts on fear -- disjointed though they may be.

• Fear isn't always a bad thing. There is indeed such a thing as healthy fear. Healthy fear comes from God and can keep us out of trouble.

• Here's one of my favourite quotes about fear from Professor Remus Lupin in the book Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban:

"I didn't think of Voldemort," said Harry honestly. "I -- I remembered those dementors." 

"I see," said Lupin thoughtfully. "Well, well . . . I'm impressed. That suggests what you fear most of all is -- fear. Very wise, Harry."

• Fear isn't the absence of strength. It isn't some kind of weakness. It is an acknowledgement that you are human and that life is scary sometimes.

• Fear can be paralyzing at times, especially when you are scared spitless and have absolutely no idea what to do. In those moments, the best thing to do is hit your knees and do your best to give it to God. Yeah, I know, not so easily done.

• Even the most fearless looking person has something they're afraid of -- heights, fire alarms, the number 13, the sight of blood, or becoming a parent for the first time. I was reminded of this while watching Deadliest Catch this week. One of the Northwestern's deck hands, Jake Anderson, got to meet his baby boy on this week's episode when his wife gave birth.

• Don't worry about your fears. Face them and in so doing, cultivate bravery. A very wise person once said to me that bravery isn't a lack of fear, but the strength to face your fears in spite of them. I like that a lot.

Until next week...

Join in the Five Minute Friday Fun and link up at Kate Motaung's blog!

A Little Something Different

The next couple of weeks are going to be a bit on the busy side with various things of life, so to that end, I am going to be using some prompts. I found a wonderful set of word prompts for April courtesy of a fellow blogger I found on Pinterest whose blog is called The Habit of Being. The full set of prompts for April can be found at http://thehabitofbeing.com/writealm/ if you're interested.

I'll still be participating in the Five Minute Friday community on Fridays and will try to post some other things as inspiration strikes and time permits. One project that is in the works for this Easter season is my conversion story. I have mentioned several times that I'm a convert to Catholicism and that I want to share that story with you, but have yet to put it all down. My goal is to have that finished and posted by Pentecost Sunday.

Finally, a brief update on my #oneword365 words for 2015. So far, I have managed to write at least 1 entry per week and most weeks at least 2 per week. There have been a couple of weeks when I've missed writing an entry, but for the most part, I've managed to "follow" through with my goal to "write" more consistently. The other part of "follow" is that I wanted to continue to follow through with some goals, follow up on some things that have been neglected for a while, and continue to follow Him with perseverance despite my struggles of mental health and how it has shaken my faith. The last one has been a real test for me, but I have managed to continue to do what I need to and have even had some moments where I feel as though my following Him hasn't been in vain. I suppose that's a positive thing.

For now, I need to move my feet and follow them upstairs to bed. It is the wee hours of the morning and my bed is calling me.

Getting to Know You!

Lately I've been having a bit of writer's block. A lot of it has to do with my particular struggles with depression. I keep coming to this page where I have this gigantic white screen full of nothing and just can't find the words to write. So....to that end, I've decided I need some help. I have a Pinterest board that I keep with ideas for blogging and figured that might be a good place to look. As I was looking, it occurred me that a good way to spend this month might be by using a few prompts to tell you a little bit more about me. This is my birthday month, so it seemed rather appropriate. My first prompt from a list I chose off my Pinterest board is...

Some of you reading this may have read my "about me" page, so if you have, I apologize. There might be a few repeats. To that end, I'll try to keep this to some bullet points for ease of reading and hopefully so I don't duplicate as much :) Here's a few basics:

• I am a Roman Catholic Christian. This was not always the case. 
• I am happily married to my beloved Gray (a pseudonym, as all names on my blog are) for almost 10 years now.
• I have three beautiful daughters, ages 8, 7, and almost 2.5. They go by M2, AB, and GB.
• I grew up in the Southeastern USA and still live there to this day. I have a love/hate relationship with my place of birth and residence.
• I am a sci-fi/fantasy geek and fangirl. Doctor Who and Harry Potter are two of my biggest fandoms.
• I am a book nerd and have been since I began reading at around age 3. I almost always have at least three or more books going at once.
• If you've read my 31 Days series, you will know that I struggle with major depression. It has been a fact of life for me and something I have had to figure out how to manage for over 25 years. In the last two years, it has been a constant companion with almost no relief. That is the main thrust of my 31 Days series. Depression is also one of the reasons that my writing isn't as constant as I'd like it to be.
• Speaking of blog series, I am a mostly regular participant in the Five Minute Friday blog series hosted by Kate Motaung at her blog Heading Home.
• I am rather short and Rubenesque and I love my naturally curly brown hair. Currently, it's just past my shoulders which is about the length I like it best -- not too short or too long.
• I love chocolate and rarely go a day without having a little chocolate of some kind.
• Coffee is essential for life. Seriously. I am not a morning person by nature and coffee ensures that I am able to function in the morning even when I don't feel like it.
• Tea is also something I love and have since my first sip of it as a child at a tea party. I do not like iced tea -- sweet or unsweet -- unlike most every other Southerner I know. If I am at a gathering where I've been given iced tea as a drink without being asked what I'd like, I will actively look for water or ask if there is water or some other beverage available. 
• My mom swears that because of the above, I cannot be truly Southern. I also do not like coleslaw, pimento cheese spread, or vegetables that have been cooked within an inch of their life (the one exception being green beans which I will eat unless they are super mushy).
• I do not have a pronounced Southern accent. I cannot tell you the number of times someone has heard me speak and they've said, "Now where are you from?" and then looked astonished when I said, "I'm from here. Born and raised." Non-locals and friends from other parts of the country laugh when I say this because they hear a Southern accent, but then a lot of them have never been exposed to the heavy thick Southern accent that a LOT of folks have in these parts.
• I have a tendency to pick up and unconsciously imitate the accents of people I'm around for any length of time. I'm sure some people may think I'm doing it intentionally, but it's really a weird reflexive thing and I don't usually notice I'm doing it until someone points it out.
• I have a single tattoo on my upper left thigh. It is a rather recent acquisition as I've only had it for a little over a year. I absolutely love it. I never thought I'd ever get one, but there is a story behind why I did and what this tattoo means. Perhaps I'll write about that during this month. 

I'm sure there are some other things, but I think that's all for now. If you click any of the words highlighted in the text above, you can read some of my other entries on those subjects. Hope you enjoyed this little post about me. Feel free to leave questions in the comment box below! I love hearing from those who read my blog.

Five Minute Friday: When

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

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Times When My Life Was Touched and Changed

When I first realized at age 12 that "sad" didn't quite describe how I was feeling
When my ears first heard the words "my best friend"
When I first felt the swoop of freedom running through my veins at the words "you passed your driver's test.."

When I was afraid I would lose my mind if I could find no one to talk to about my home life
When my compassionate teacher and now dear friend Rikert heard my pain and helped me
When I looked through the window and watched my parents drive away
When I realized I needed help to deal with my depression

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call 1-800-273-8255 to talk to someone about what's going on and get help. This is the National Suicide Prevention hotline, but you don't have to be suicidal to use it. If you're depressed or grieving or lonely, you can call and talk to someone who is trained to listen and offer support!

When I realized that nothing was helping
When I was brave and tried medication for the first time
When I felt the thrill of acting with my peers at college
When my voice professor first praised my hard work and skills
When I began my own journey of faith

Sometimes you need a little humour as you're discovering faith for yourself.

When I experienced the baptism of the Holy Spirit
When I landed in London and began a wonderful adventure
When my depression intensified and my self-injury began
When I withdrew from college to get help
When I worked and dreamed of having my own place in a new city and a new part of the country
When my dreams were dashed because of the lies of others
When a friend tried to hook me up with a guy and wound up hooking me up with the Catholic Church
When I made a new friend who I refused to call by his last name
When that friend and I kissed for the first time
When we became officially more than friends

I love it when he brings me flowers "just because." :)

When my boyfriend took me to visit his family at Christmas
When I was confirmed and received fully into the Catholic Church
When my boyfriend proposed three days later
When I walked down the aisle with my heart full of joy to marry my beloved Gray
When we gave ourselves to each other for the first time
When I found out that I was pregnant (each time)
When I first saw each of our sweet girls

Left to right: AB, GB, and M2 -- dressed up pretty for Easter 2014

When we bought our house
When my M2 and AB started preschool and later on, regular school
When the darkness that had been with me since age 12 descended again
When the darkness got even darker than I'd ever felt
When I had a moment when I lost hold of reality and almost attempted suicide
When I began what I thought would be a helpful treatment for depression
When the people who I trusted violated my trust, took advantage of my emotional distress, and coerced me into agreeing to something I never wanted to do
When my heart broke so completely that I thought I would never stop crying



When I spent 5 days in hell, afraid that I would never see light, love, or God again...

........ when the hell of those 5 days ended and I saw flickers of light and love again



When the nightmares began
When the flashbacks began
When I stood at the edge several times, contemplating suicide, and was pulled back to safety by the words of Gray, Pendragon, my big brother Chez, and my friend Rikert
When I had two weeks of respite in the midst of what has been over two years of continued depression
When I decided to write about my experience and share it with others

If you've ever wondered what it's like to go through an episode of major depression, please feel free to read my 31 Days series. It is an account of some of what I've been through in the last couple of years. Eventually, I may make it into a book.

When I began EMDR to treat my PTSD
When the flashbacks began to diminish
When I decided to take on the challenge of sharing my experience with suicide and raise funds to help prevent suicide and raise awareness

If you'd like to make a donation to help raise funds for programs that help prevent suicide, click here to donate.

When I decided to no longer stay silent about my struggles with major depression and suicide
When I realized that I need to do this walk for suicide prevention for myself as much as to help others.

Join the Five Minute Friday party at Kate Motaung's blog!

Of Fandoms and Fangirling

I admit it. I am a hopeless fangirl. Don't know what that is? Let me show you. It looks something like this:

Just imagine that she's flailing those hands a little and you'll have it about right.

Just in case the picture doesn't help, here's a definition from Urban Dictionary:

fangirl, n.
1. (derogatory) a female fan, obsessed with something (or someone) to a frightening or sickening degree. Often considered ditzy, annoying and shallow.
2. (playful, good-natured) less extreme, a female fan who can laugh at their own passion for their particular interest (or even obsession).

I definitely fall into the second category. Actually, very few people fall into the first category for the simple fact that the level of devotion required to fall into that category is very time-consuming. Usually it's the province of high school and college age girls who have both the time necessary to obsess over something to that degree and the immaturity level. Category 1 is something that most fans grow out of once they reach adulthood and its various responsibilities and demands. It is generally accepted that to be firmly rooted in category 1 as an adult is rather unhealthy. Some folks are and they usually wind up making a career of it (like professional gossip columnists, entertainment writers, etc.), but that's not me. I'm sure some folks might think I'm closer to category 1, the reality is that life just doesn't allow me to be too obsessed.

So what makes a fangirl? Well, in short, a fandom. Confused? Here's another definition courtesy of the folks at Urban Dictionary:

fandom, n. 

The community that surrounds a tv show/movie/book etc. Fanfiction writers, artists, poets, and cosplayers are all members of that fandom. Fandoms often consist of message boards, livejournal communities, and people.

Fandom may also refer to the object of a fangirl's obsession. In my case, this is science fiction, fantasy, certain book series, and television shows. Fandoms often refer to their individual fangirls (and boys) by a collective nickname that is specific to that fandom. For example, fans who love the Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling (either the books or the movies) often refer to themselves as Potterheads. One of the more famous examples of this are the Trekkies (fans who love anything in the Star Trek universe).

As for me, I'm a Whovian (Doctor Who), Potterhead (Harry Potter), Trekkie (Star Trek), Browncoat (Firefly and Serenity), Sherlockian (BBC's Sherlock), and general all-around Anglophile (lover of all things British). I also have a love for Star Wars and the Tolkien sagas of The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings.

See what I mean? I think it must be the thespian in me... *sheepish look*

Some of these fandoms, I have grown up loving and were passed on to me by my dad. The others, I have found via friends and, more recently, the internet. My love of all things British began thanks to a tea party hosted by a co-worker of my mom's when I was a little girl. My Brit-love extends to a number of British comedies or "Britcoms" that I used to watch on Saturday nights on our local PBS affiliate. As an adult, I've discovered the joys of the Masterpiece series, Call the Midwife, and of course, my favourite British period drama, Downton Abbey.

Period costumes, lush sets, scandal, intrigue, romance, social class tension, witty banter, and all set in the gorgeous English countryside during the early 20th century -- how could I *not* be a fan?

You might think with such an extensive list of fandoms that I wouldn't have time for anything but TV watching or book reading, but it's not too hard. For the most part, I indulge in these fun escapes when I have an hour or so in the evening or if I know I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands, like a road trip or sitting waiting somewhere. I often keep a favourite book in the car or sometimes watch something on my phone via Netflix. Gray enjoys Doctor Who and occasionally Star Trek, so he and I sometimes watch those on a weekend night as a sort of date night in. Stuff that isn't available on Netflix or in book form is usually stuff that is on regular TV and gets recorded on our DVR to be watched at a later point. It may sound like a lot of work, but it's not really and for me, these fandoms are a source of fun diversion for me and help relieve a bit of stress at the end of the day. One of the fun things about being a fangirl is that it is an easy way to make friends and even bond with my family because the love of a particular fandom is a shared interest.

See what I mean about shared interest? Some fans even go to conventions and do what is called cosplay (costume play) where they dress up like their favourite characters. This is a bunch of Whovians at San Diego's ComicCon. Fun, no?

The other thing I love about my various fandoms is thinking about the stories and what they're trying to say that isn't readily apparent. I like asking questions about the characters' motives, the underlying themes, the direction the particular story arc may (or may not) be taking, and the myths that underpin everything. There are interesting ideas to be found and often, universal truths about human nature and the ways we relate to each other, to the world around us, and even our relationship (or lack thereof) with God. Sometimes, these ideas even lead to new insights about myself, my faith, or the world around me.

I also use my love of these various series of books and TV shows. How? Well, for one, I am sometimes inspired by them to create something of my own -- a poem, a story, or, more recently, a blog post. In a more practical way, many of the metaphors, quotes, and ideas found in these series have helped me to express in a concrete way what I'm feeling when talking with Gray or Pendragon about my struggles with depression. Sometimes too, in expressing these things about my struggles, I discover new insights that are useful in helping me understand my illness or take a tiny step forward in my journey toward recovery.

The Dowager Countess of Grantham always has the best one-liners and some of the most sage advice in the series. Plus, she is played by the amazing Dame Maggie Smith who is one of my favourite actresses.

So now that you know a little more about fangirls and fandoms, tell me what you love. Do you swoon over period dramas or get giddy about the latest sci-fi or fantasy novel? What is your fandom?

A Week in the Life - My Daybook Online Journal

I'm going to try something new with regard to keeping track of day to day life. It's called a Daybook. I've seen several bloggers who do this and have yet to be able to find a format that I really like, but I do find the idea of prompts appealing, because it helps you think about things constructively rather than just casting about in your mind for memories of the week.

The main reason I want to do this is because, to quote Jenny at The Littlest Way, "the little things that seem insignificant in the day to day" are important to remember because they "end up being the things of importance in the long run." I want to have a record of the mundanity of life so that when I am old and gray and wondering where all the years went, I can look back and remember and tell my grown children and (hopefully) grandchildren about all the things that made up the fabric of life for me and for my family. Another reason I want to do this is to follow through with a goal (#oneword365 -- follow) to write a little each day in 2015 (#oneword365 -- write).

As I've said previously, I have always struggled with keeping a journal on a consistent basis despite a desire to record life in this way, but I think with this blog and this more structured way of writing about things, I may have hit on something I can finally do with some consistency. I think I'm going to start with some of Jenny's prompts that she uses for her daybook and I may switch it up as I go.

Next up -- my first entry in my new daybook!

A Reflection on Tea

I'll admit it. I start my day, every day, almost without exception, with a nice big mug of coffee. It is my eye opener and brain defogger and to be quite honest, I'm probably at least mildly addicted to the stuff. Despite this though, I am drawn to tea.

Trying out this Bloglovin' Thing

Apparently to claim your blog you have to do this whole copy and paste code thingie. So here's mine. Go follow me on Bloglovin! And if you do, comment below and I'll add you to my blog feed there too! 

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