Daybook Online Journal -- Week of March 10, 2015 (late)

Welcome to my weekly Tuesday post where I remember the ups and downs and big and little things of daily life for me and my family. I call it my Daybook Online Journal and it's an idea I found via fellow blogger Jenny at her blog, The Littlest Way. Thanks for the inspiration, Jenny! The prompts are a combination of several I've found as I've been researching this particular way of chronicling daily life. Come on in and reflect with me!

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Outside my window... It's rather overcast today as it's been really rainy in the last 24 hours and the rain isn't quite gone. Not weather related, but the last couple of days have seen some random flocks of birds descend into our yard. Lots of twittering and tweeting sounds from the trees and bushes. Yesterday it was a really neat sound mixed with the gently falling rain.

 

Highlights from the week... 

• This week I shared my heart and my struggles with major depression and suicidal thinking with a much wider audience. I broke my 25+ years of silence by posting about it publicly on this blog and then sharing it with a very wide audience. I invited others to share my post and the response was overwhelming. I have no idea how many people have shared it, but based on Facebook's stats, as of the writing of this, it has reached 1,538 people. I am so humbled that it has made such an impact and I hope it will continue to do so.
• Unfortunately, Gray got my upper respiratory bug. He started feeling poorly toward the weekend and wound up going to the urgent care clinic on Sunday to get checked. Thanks to some medications and decent rest, I'm happy to report that he's doing better as of the writing of this, although still feeling a bit on the tired side.
• Our littlest bear, GB, is another story. As I type this, she is snuggled up next to me on the couch and feels a touch on the warm side. She went to the doctor yesterday because I suspected she was not well and it turns out she has an ear infection. She got some antibiotics, but I have a feeling it's going to be another day before she's feeling more like herself. Poor little dear!
• M2 and AB had Monday off from school and it also happened to be the day before my birthday, so we (along with GB) met up with my mom for breakfast and a day of shopping and fun together. 
• Got a few new items for my wardrobe which was a very good thing as it's been looking pretty ragged and thin of late. My favourite is a really fun retro sort of swing dress that is a baby pink with tiny black polka dots and a matching black lace trim that is attached to the skirt lining and peeks out from beneath the skirt hem. It's so cute! I also got a few tops -- one of which is this really pretty teal blue floral print that looks fabulous with black slacks or jeans.
• My new tea maker from Teavana and the tea I bought to go with it -- YUM! This was my birthday present to myself and I can already tell it's going to be something I use almost daily.

 

 This week I am thankful for...

• The overwhelmingly positive response to my Breaking My Silence post about my struggles with major depression and suicidal thinking. I cannot express how grateful I am that so many people shared this with others and the way this post has already reached a number of people. My prayer is that God will continue to use it to help others.
• Modern medicine -- yet again. The older I get, I think the more thankful for this I am. I include in this not only diagnostics and pharmaceutical medicines, but also mental health care.
• Email -- for allowing me a way to keep in touch with certain people and also as a means of setting up appointments, meetings, and fun times.
• The vast expanse of the internet. I received some more detailed information this week about exactly where the Out of the Darkness Overnight walk will start in Boston and the hotel that we get a discount on if we stay there. I was instantly able to look up the location, the hotel, and a whole host of other information on the area. I've also been using it lately to check rates for flights and do comparisons between originating cities and different carriers.
• The Voxer app -- something I really enjoy using to chat with my friends Jae and T. 
• The ladies in my online NFP group who have been such good friends to me for almost a decade. I love all these ladies for so many reasons and feel so blessed to be part of this community and even more blessed to have met quite a few of them in person. I can't wait for the next retreat in 2016!!! :)
• Five Minute Friday -- both the #fmfparty on Twitter on Thursday nights and the community as a whole -- lots of inspiration, support, and just great folks all the way around. 

Praying for...

• For all those who are participating in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's Out of the Darkness Overnight Walks in Dallas and Boston -- for their fundraising efforts, training, and the people who will benefit from their support for this cause. I am so blessed to be a part of the Boston walk this June!
• My friend P's husband B who has been in and out of the hospital with sepsis and a badly infected leg. She has been through the mill with hospitals not giving good care and has been dealing with her hubby's illness on top of caring for her three kids.
• My friend A's son L who had an accident at home recently and is now having some scary medical issues.
• My friend Jae and her needs
• My bestie Sif and her new situation and rejoicing with her over WonderBoy's recent achievements.
• For M2 as she continues to prepare for her First Holy Communion and in thanksgiving for her joy over receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation for the first time (and again a second time this past weekend at her request!).
• For Gray's and GB's health as they continue to recover from their illnesses.
• For all those who are being persecuted for their faith, especially for those who are facing certain death for their beliefs.
• For a good and holy Lent for all those who are in the midst of it and preparing for Easter and in particular, for those who are preparing to be received into the Catholic faith at the Easter Vigil.

 Reading...

• Today's daily Mass readings -- Deuteronomy 4:1, 5-9; Psalm 147; Matthew 5:17-19
  
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J. K. Rowling -- continuing my re-read
• The Secret History of the Pink Carnation by Lauren Willig 

Listening to...

• Called to Communion and Open Line podcasts on the EWTN Radio app
• Gently falling rain outside 
• My baby girl's soft snores

I am learning... to be totally open and honest about my struggles with depression and suicidal thinking and that it's okay to do so.

 

My favourite quote of the week...

"I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unnerving ease. It begins in your mind, always...so you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you."

-- from Life of Pi by Yann Martel 

 Picture of the week... 

This is a picture of my new tea maker. Well, this isn't my actual tea maker, but a picture I found online of it. I bought it at our local Teavana for my birthday along with some Blueberry Kona Pop tea (SO tasty iced!). I've used it twice so far and absolutely love it. It makes tea making dead simple. Just add tea and your choice of sweetner to the mug and pour hot/boiling water over it. Allow time to steep and when it's reached the desired strength, sit it atop your favourite cup or glass and the tea streams out of the bottom of the brew mug. I foresee a lot more tea in my future!

 

See you next week!!

Daybook Online Journal -- Week of March 3, 2015

Welcome to my weekly Tuesday post where I remember the ups and downs and big and little things of daily life for me and my family. I call it my Daybook Online Journal and it's an idea I found via fellow blogger Jenny at her blog, The Littlest Way. Thanks for the inspiration, Jenny! The prompts are a combination of several I've found as I've been researching this particular way of chronicling daily life. Come on in and reflect with me!

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Outside my window.... it's a rather rainy day today, gray and overcast, but the temperature has been in the low 70s which isn't totally unusual for this time of year. It is a little odd since we had the threat of snow last week and are supposed to have freezing rain and ice this Thursday. I really wish the weather would pick a season and stick with it for a while instead of all this crazy up and down, back and forth between winter and spring. I suppose I ought not be surprised given that this is also not unusual for this time of year. Welcome to the South!

Highlights from the week....

• Well, my girls would say that the potential "snow" day was a highlight because they got a day off school out of the deal last Wednesday as well as two days (Tuesday and Thursday) that were 2-hr delay days. We didn't get a single snowflake where I live but my parents who live about 20 miles north of us got snow. 
• For me and Gray, the highlight of the week was this past Saturday morning when our eldest, M2, received the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession) for the first time! She was so excited and joyful before and afterward. She got to have her confession with our pastor, Fr. K, who she just loves to pieces. What an amazing blessing to watch her take her next steps along her faith journey and draw closer to God in this beautiful sacrament!
• With it being winter, there are a number of illnesses being passed around and I have fallen victim to one of the lovely upper respiratory bacterial bugs. I started feeling totally miserable on Sunday morning and finally went to get checked at our local urgent care clinic yesterday. Good thing I did. They diganosed me with mycoplasma bacteria which can become walking pneumonia if left untreated. I got two shots -- steroids and antibiotics -- and a prescription for an oral antibiotic and cough syrup with hydrocodone so I could rest. It's helped some and I feel less yucky today, but I'm definitely still struggling.
• Speaking of struggling, I'm not sure this is a highlight per se, but it is what it is. I have been through a rather intense and dark period of depression in the last week and a half and thanks to some prayers for deliverance prayed over me by Fr. B this past Thursday, I felt things finally start to lighten. 
• I posted my first entry in a good week and a half on Friday for the Five Minute Friday blog challenge. It had been a rough couple of weeks prior to that and it felt good to finally get something posted.
• The Downton Abbey season 5 finale -- SO many feels for my little fangirl heart! SO good and I can't wait for season 6 next January! Just wish I didn't have to wait so long between seasons.

This week I am thankful for....

• The flexibility of Gray's job that allows him to work from home when he needs to for the sake of my health. He's done that so much in the last two years and I am so grateful that his bosses are so understanding.
• Gray's patience with me, especially when I am in the throes of the darkest depression and am not truly myself. I know it is so trying on him and stressful for him even when I am less depressed, but that stress is doubled or even trebled when things are at their worst. I am so thankful for his love, kindness, and compassion in those hardest of times too.
• My dear friend Rikert who, out of concern for me in my darkest hour, tracked me down and stayed with me, talking until he persuaded me to go home to Gray who was worried sick and unable to come looking for me as he was home with our children. Rikert and his wife both have been so supportive of me during these past two years, but just over a week ago, he kept me from making a horrible mistake. Dear God, thank you for good friends who are loving and gentle, but firm and stubborn too.
• Fr. B, our dear family friend (who is also the priest who married us), who has been so faithful to pray for me and our family so often and who has been a particular blessing to me this week as we met so he could give me some spiritual direction, talk together, and pray. He prayed prayers of deliverance over me, gave me the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick, and a priestly blessing. I am firmly convinced that those three things really helped the intensity of my depression lessen and things get a lot lighter than they had been. 
• The blessing of modern medicine. It is truly amazing what good pharmaceutical drugs can do toward relieving the symptoms of physical illness. 
• The graces received by my eldest in her First Reconciliation this past Saturday. What a wonderful thing to be reconciled to God for the first time! Thanks be to God for His love and mercy!
• Having an increase in my appetite and some sort of decent sleep for the first time in a good month. Seriously. Nightmare free sleep is seriously underrated until you don't have it on a regular basis.
• Voxxer messages shared with my friend Jae
• The simple joy of watching Downton Abbey 
• Black bean and avocado salad with corn tortilla chips
• Chocolate -- something that makes a lot of wrongs right again.

Praying for...

• My friend N, who is saying goodbye to her daughter A, who is headed off to basic training
• My friend Jae, who so fervently prays for me even as she struggles with her own trials
• My friend Chez who is in the midst of his semi-annual Tin Cup Rattle on his blog where he tries to raise some much needed funds to take care of his family. 
• A blogger I have read at odd times in years past, but have discovered anew today -- Kendra at Catholic All Year. For her and her beautiful family and whatever prayer intentions they have.
• My friend T, who is always so supportive of me and loving. I appreciate her sweet comments, all our Voxxer chats, and most of all her prayers.
• For Fr. B, who I have mentioned twice already in thanksgiving for his many prayers for me and my family and his love for us. May God bless him always.
• For Fr. K, who heard M2's very first confession this past Saturday morning in thanksgiving for his ministry to our parish and the Church and for his love for the children of our parish.
• For M2 as she inches ever closer to meeting Jesus for the first time in the Holy Eucharist. Dear Lord, prepare her heart, her mind, and her body to meet you in this most holy and intimate way. Fill her with your love and grace as she approaches her First Holy Communion with You Jesus and always draw her ever closer to you in this Holiest of Sacraments.
• For AB and GB in thanksgiving for the wonderful blessings they both are to my life and the life of our family and that they too will be drawn closer to God with each day that passes.
• For my beloved Gray that he will find success in his work efforts -- in particular with those things that are frustrating him in his projects -- and somehow, amidst everything that he does for all of us, a deeper closeness with You, O Lord.
• For Pope Francis, our Bishop Robert Baker, all the bishops, priests, deacons, and consecrated religious that they will find renewed joy in their vocations and be refreshed in body, mind, and spirit as they serve the Body of Christ with their lives.

Reading...

• Mississippi Trial, 1955 by Chris Crowe -- actually just finished this one
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J. K. Rowling -- a re-read
• The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien -- still working on this one
• Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte -- going to start this one soon

Listening to...

• EWTN Radio Network's Called to Communion with Dr. David Anders -- excellent call-in show for non-Catholics to ask questions about the Catholic faith
• Michael Card -- Come Lift Up Your Sorrows
• Mother Angelica and the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration praying the Rosary
• Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata

I am learning... that my children are growing up faster than I'd like and time is not slowing down.

My favourite quote of the week:

"Give people high-fives just for getting out of bed. Being a person is hard sometimes."
            -- Kid President

A picture from my week:

M2 just prior to the communal penance service that preceded her First Reconciliation (Confession). So happy!

Praying together in front of the altar after her First Reconciliation as a family. One of my favourite pictures of the whole day. L-R: AB, me, M2, GB, and Gray

See you next week! 

Update: Out of the Depths

Hello friends!

It's been a solid week since I last posted. Well, actually, that's not quite true. My last post was this past Saturday, but after I posted it, I had second thoughts about it and wound up pulling it. I don't normally do that (this was the first time), but it was a very personal sort of post and while I don't regret having written it, I questioned my judgment at the time that I published it as it was very late and I was very tired. When I looked at it again in the light of day, I realized that perhaps it was better off kept to myself. I apologize to anyone who might have read it and then went looking for it again later.

This has been a very difficult week or so since my last published post. To be honest, this illness that I struggle with has been kicking my butt up one side and down the other and has been rather unrelenting. I am very grateful to Gray and Pendragon both. They have been helping me to sort out my thoughts and try to work through things and process things. My dear "big brother" Chez has been praying for me like mad and has served as a sounding board for my frustrations during this too. To say I am thankful for all the support I have in my life is quite the understatement. Eventually, I want to do some writing about what has been on my mind this week, but now is not the time. For now I will say that after nearly a week and a half of stumbling and falling through the murky depths, I am finally starting to feel that fog lift a little. I feel a little more even-footed, if still a bit weak.

One good thing that has come of all of this is that I have come to realise through this recent difficulty that there is something I need to do for myself and as of tomorrow, I am going to be taking a rather huge step towards doing it. I will be talking about this in time, but for now, I'll suffice to say that it's something I have been discerning for a good year now.

Now that things are shifting back to some semblance of normal (although it's not really "normal" but a less intense state of depression that is easier to muddle through), I am going to endeavour to get back to writing more frequently. This means that since tomorrow is Friday, I'll have a Five Minute Friday post for you and I'm going to resume my Daybook Journal on Tuesday and Theology Thursday next week. There might even be another post or two thrown in for good measure if the mood strikes me.

Pax Christi! 

Daybook Online Journal -- Week of January 13, 2015

Welcome to my weekly Tuesday post where I remember the ups and downs and big and little things of daily life for me and my family. I call it my Daybook Online Journal and it's an idea I found via fellow blogger Jenny at her blog, The Littlest Way. Thanks for the inspiration, Jenny! The prompts are a combination of several I've found as I've been researching this particular way of chronicling daily life. Come on in and reflect with me!

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Outside my window... the weather is overcast and grey today. Looks a bit like rain might come along later. It's in the upper 40s, so not too cold, but cold enough to necessitate a jacket when I go out later this evening.

Highlights from this week...

• Finally arrived home after being in Pennsylvania for over two weeks! So glad to be home!
• Big girls went back to school and Gray back to work after the break
• The stomach bug that just won't quit hit me on Friday about midday. This lasted into the wee hours of Saturday. It also meant that I went basically dormant for all of Saturday and most of Sunday too. 
• Monday brought with it a fantastic surprise in the form of a letter from the school system informing us that M2 is on her way to being chosen for the gifted education program! We are so proud of her hard work and accomplishments! She will be tested further (with our consent) and pending the results of the tests and the review of the results by a committee, may be chosen for the program. Both Gray and I were in gifted education programs as children, so we are naturally thrilled that she is being considered for this.
• Monday also brought report cards and both girls did well with AB getting a perfect "straight S-es" report card. She was so excited and we called both sets of grandparents to share her news and her big sister's news about the gifted program.

 This week I am thankful for...

• The return of Downton Abbey -- my favourite British drama
• Cracked pepper and olive oil Triscuits - a slightly spicy, savoury snack especially good with a bit of cheese
• A clothes dryer that works so well, especially with the mountains of laundry we seem to always have!
• My dear sweet Gray who was so good to me during my illness, bringing me water, tissues, and even doing helpful things like putting a waste bin near the bed in case I couldn't make it to the bathroom.
• Fuzzy blankets to snuggle up under on cold and rainy days
• My friend Chez who told me just this morning that he tries to always remember me in his rosary prayers
• Facebook Messenger so I can stay in touch with Jae and so many others
• Voxer messages with T and Jae -- such fun and a great way to stay in touch in real time
• The promise of a new oven to be purchased soon -- huzzah!!!

 Praying for...

• Peace in our world and an end to war, violence, terrorism, and the culture of death   
• My #write31days friend Anita who has been searching for something precious she's lost
• For all of you who so kindly read my blog and comment -- for whatever your needs are (please feel free to leave them in the comments!)
• For those who are hungry, that God would fill their bellies and provide for their needs
• For my three girls that they would make wise and holy decisions and always follow after Jesus
• For my beloved Gray that he will have a good work week as he continues to get back into the groove after our trip
• For my friend Jae and her specific needs and intentions -- love you, Jae!
• For my friend T that she feels better as she has also been battling this ridiculous stomach bug
• For Pope Francis as he is traveling for safety and for the Holy Spirit to guide his words and actions as he ministers to the peoples of Sri Lanka and the Phillippines 

Reading...

• The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien
• Until We Have Faces by C. S. Lewis
• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J. K. Rowling (a re-read)
• A back issue of Quilter's Home magazine given to me by my mom-in-law, Balinda   

Listening to...

• A talk on Sola Scriptura by my friend John Martignoni
• Our community radio station that plays a mix of current and older hits from every musical genre -- country, Christian contemporary, pop, rap, oldies, disco, funk, rock and everything in between. I really love this station because they're super local (although they have an app so I can take them with me when I'm out of the area) and their main focus is giving back to the community so they donate a portion of any revenue they make to local charities, fundraising endeavours, and food banks. Love 99.9!
• Open Line on EWTN radio - a call in radio show with different hosts and different topics about Catholicism each day Mon-Fri  
• The sound of our washing machine chugging away and the dryer thumping along as they wash and dry our clothes

I am wearing.... my comfy black leggings, a sort of dark magenta knit dress, and my very comfy blue slippers that I enjoy wearing around the house.  

 

I am learning... the true meaning of the phrase, "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry."  

My favourite quote of the week: 

        "Let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure."

             -- J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

 

Some pictures from my week... Gray wearing one of the girls' hats to stay warm on a cold blustry morning, AB's weekly vocabulary words, and homemade beef stew on a cold night

 

   

See you next week!

A Week in the Life - My Daybook Online Journal

I'm going to try something new with regard to keeping track of day to day life. It's called a Daybook. I've seen several bloggers who do this and have yet to be able to find a format that I really like, but I do find the idea of prompts appealing, because it helps you think about things constructively rather than just casting about in your mind for memories of the week.

The main reason I want to do this is because, to quote Jenny at The Littlest Way, "the little things that seem insignificant in the day to day" are important to remember because they "end up being the things of importance in the long run." I want to have a record of the mundanity of life so that when I am old and gray and wondering where all the years went, I can look back and remember and tell my grown children and (hopefully) grandchildren about all the things that made up the fabric of life for me and for my family. Another reason I want to do this is to follow through with a goal (#oneword365 -- follow) to write a little each day in 2015 (#oneword365 -- write).

As I've said previously, I have always struggled with keeping a journal on a consistent basis despite a desire to record life in this way, but I think with this blog and this more structured way of writing about things, I may have hit on something I can finally do with some consistency. I think I'm going to start with some of Jenny's prompts that she uses for her daybook and I may switch it up as I go.

Next up -- my first entry in my new daybook!