Silence and Retreat

I have no real wisdom to share today. Actually, I'm finding it really difficult to say much of anything to anyone today. I've been in one of those moods where I didn't want to be around anyone or talk to anyone or have them talking to me. I woke up in that mood and have been unable to shake it all day long. Gray could tell that I needed some alone time, so he very graciously looked after the kids when we got home from church so that I could sequester myself in our bedroom and just be alone to read or nap or whatever. I wound up doing a bit of both. To be honest, I'm not sure it helped all that much. The nap wasn't very restful and I just found myself grumpy and annoyed with everything once I emerged from the confines of our bedroom.

I have more than a good idea of what is going on, but that is a completely different post from this one. To put it simply, it's complicated. One thing I will say is that this isn't a new thing. I sometimes crave silence and alone time. My personality type is extroverted but I suspect I tend toward the lower end of the extroversion scale. I love talking with people and being social for the most part, but when I've been around a lot of people (like a party or other gathering) or if I've been forced to be more sociable than normal for a period of several days in a row, I wind up needing to recharge my batteries by having some serious alone time. If I ignore this need, I wind up very irritable and disagreeable with everyone, no matter what they've done or haven't done and even the tiniest of things can set me off. Today was very close to one of those days. Thankfully, Gray knows this about me and he can sort of read the signs. The silence (furthered by wearing my earbuds to block out extraneous noise) and solitude of our bedroom today helped some, but to be very honest, I need more. I really need some time away from my regular life and responsibilities so that I can refill all my tanks, get some good rest, and try to reset myself so I can be a better momma to our girls and a better wife to Gray. My listening friend, Pendragon, has said that I need to do this for quite some time now and has encouraged me to try to figure out how to do it, but I just don't know how it's going to happen. I just know that it needs to happen before too much longer.