Five Minute Friday: Keep

Note: This post is my weekly contribution to the Five Minute Friday community that is hosted by Kate Motaung on her blog Heading Home. Click here for more information about Five Minute Friday and how you can get involved! To link up with all the other entries for today's prompt word, click here.

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Have you ever heard someone say about a secret that it was just "too good to keep to myself?" I've never really understood that sentiment. If someone confides something in me and asks me to keep it under my hat, I have no problem with that. There are exceptions, of course (like if keeping the secret will result in something horrible or evil -- I'd have an ethical and moral obligation to tell someone who could help prevent it), but I've never been one of those who likes to share another person's dirty laundry. Quite honestly, I have enough of my own life that I keep close to the vest to be worried with sharing someone else's misfortune.

Until now. There is something that I am struggling to not shout from the rooftops. It is something that has happened and as a result, I have gotten some major closure to something that I never thought possible before now. When I heard about this, I practically did a jig where I was sitting. It's been a very very long time indeed since I was that joyful. I told Gray that it gave me a kind of infusion of joy that I've not felt flowing through me in a very long time. I would really, really love to tell you all about the details of this thing, but I feel like, for now, it's best to keep it to myself.

Since I don't feel totally comfortable sharing that with the world at large, how about I share something else with you instead? It's a link. If you have read my 31 Days series, you'll know that the topics of depression and suicide are very close to my heart.  After much prayer and discernment, I have decided to participate in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk in Boston, MA this June. It promises to be an amazing experience and the funds raised go to help those who are struggling with mental illness and suicidal thoughts, those who have lost loved ones to suicide deal with grief, and to fund educational programs that help prevent suicide. It is an excellent cause. I have to raise $1000 in order to participate (although I would love to raise more than that) and that's why I'm sharing this link. It's a link to my fundraising page on the Out of the Darkness Overnight website. I hope you'll consider a donation. It can be absolutely ANY amount you like -- even a single dollar! :) Even if you can't donate, I hope you'll keep me in your prayers as I try to raise funds for this and as I physically train for the walk itself. Thanks!

Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk

Oh, and one more secret that I've decided not to keep is who I really am. This link shows my name and my face along with my story (which isn't such a secret if you've read here much at all). One of the hardest things about having gone through (or when you are struggling through) something like a near suicide attempt is the fear that someone will find out that you did and how they might treat you because of it. There is a shame that comes from that fear and causes silence. One of the biggest reasons I am doing this is to break that silence, to share my story, and in doing so, help others find their voice and reach out for help.

I have decided to no longer keep hold of my fear.
I will no longer keep shame so that it renders me silent.
I will keep this experience as a part of my story, because it is.
I will keep telling my story -- all of it -- so that others may find the courage to face their fears and let go of their shame.
Finally, I will keep putting one foot in front of the other as I continue on my own road to recovery.

Join the Five Minute Friday fun over at Kate Motaung's blog!